It is the week before Halloween. Enough said you all know how I feel about this stupendous holiday. My decorations will be said when they have to go back, but right now they glow with all the intensity in the world.

My plans for this week start on Thursday:

Thursday - Rocky Horror Picture Show in the Marvin Center.

Fully involved with all the drama and drag queens!

Friday - The AFSS Halloween Party

Still on the fence on whether or not I will actually attend

Saturday - The Rally, Embassy Row and The Ballroom

The Rally for obvious reasons. I cant wait.

Embassy Row for some trick-or-treating

The Ballroom for a good, old-fashioned costume party.

Sunday - Still unsure but I think recovery?

How does my schedule sound. Brilliant I think. Saturday is my biggest obstacle. How can I be at The Ballroom by 6pm, but then be at Embassy Row by nightfall? Ill figure it out.

Horizon

Well, it has been a little over three weeks since the "episode" and I must say I am doing much better. I can finally see the clutter in my room and am slowly removing it from my life. I no longer jump when I hear a strange sound, which is delightful (esp in a dorm-ish building).

I will still admit that I'm not 100% but even I have to say three weeks isn't a long time. Most people never get over it, but I am moving on and up. I will not let this effect me forever, there is no use crying about it.

My floor is almost clean, my dishes dont take up the room, my laundry will be put away tomorrow, and my bed will be made each day. These are such little things that one never thinks about, until you really dont think about it. When you are embarrassed to invite friends over because you live in a "frat house". No more. My shelter is clean. I no longer need the haven.

Okay, maybe I do, but I will make one in my mind and not in my room. Deal. I mean I have started writing in my journal again. Big step. I am half-way done with that day. Three weeks ago...

On the brightside: TCM is having a Tony Curtis (RIP) marathon. What a great way to end a weekend. And I went to see my aunt and nana on Saturday. Great relief.

Until next time....which will be sooner than the last...

Have you ever had one of those moments when everything you believe in crashes around you? I have.

This won't make much sense to most of you. But I have had one of the worst experiences in my life. I wont go into details about it. Just know that it was life-changing. It also is something that makes my life a little difficult right now.

I have always been great at hiding extreme emotion. Only a handful of people have actually seen me cry. I have been called heartless for not feeling the way one should in certain situations. But trust me. I have felt every single emotion. I just never show it. Why you may ask?

That is simple. I dont want to ever show weakness. I cry. A lot. But you will never know that.

Back to my problem. I have always questioned the bigger scheme of things. For instance do things really happen for a reason? Is there always a bright side? I would like to believe that bad things dont happen to good people for no reason. But right now I cant help but question it all. How could something like that be good?

Karma. She has always been my reason for waking. For doing anything. If you mess with Karma she will kick you back harder. Where is she now? Why would she desert me?

I know you are probably reading this wondering what on Earth could bring me to this. And I wont tell you. So dont ask. I still havent quite dealt with it myself. Today is a beautiful day. Perfect weather. My favorite. And I woke up feeling better than I have the past couple days. But all in one moment it crashed. I went reverted back. Except I am more upset at this moment than I was afterwards. Why? Is it just hitting me? Just setting in? Am I finally realizing what happened? Maybe. Or maybe I am just now questioning the Why me?

I dont really expect an answer. I guess I just needed to put the question out there. My whole world has been tipped. Without the belief that when someone falls, someone else stands, I would never make it out of bed. Because as much as I've fallen, as far as I've fallen, I need to believe that I will eventually stand again. Am I silly for hoping? I hope not.

My life according to me...

I've been thinking about things lately. Not because I am sentimental, but because I have had the timed. One of my friends tried to set me up with a guy recently. And whereas I appreciate the effort, I'm not ready. Not because I am caught up on some emotional rollercoaster over someone else, but because I don't know myself yet.

I realize that that sounds melodramatic. So let me explain. In high school I knew who I was. I was the nice, semi-shy, innocent girl who would do absolutely anything for you and not worry about what I got in return. I was naive. I never said no. I just couldn't. Let's just say there were points in that time where my friends took advantage. And yet I didn't do anything about it. Why would I? I was a good friend and thought that was just how it should be. I wasn't necessarily stupid, but I was uneducated. At least I knew who I was. And I liked me.

Then college happened. I was still under the impression that I didn't change. But I did. I became someone different. Not in a bad way, but in the way everyone does. I grew up. I realized that who I was in high school would never be who I was ever again. With this change came insecurity. Where I never doubted myself before, I constantly did now. I changed in more ways than one and everyone's reaction to those changes effected me. I often told myself that eventually things would level out. And of course they did. Just not when I needed them to. My world was flipped upside down in college. And by my second year I changed yet again. The person I became when I first entered vanished under my new skin. For the better. I stopped caring. About everything. I focused on my school work. I no longer wondered what people were thinking. I didn't want to hear about anything. I wanted to pass unnoticed in a crowd of people. That didn't happen. My new tougher exterior seemed to draw people to me. Everyone wanted something. I dated more in those few months than ever before. I guess it was a testament to how I really was no longer that shy little naive girl. I hurt people. Unintentionally. Nevertheless they got hurt. Not something I would ever want. I realized I had to yet again evaluate my life. This person wasn't me either. So who was I?

People who have never been through these changes, don't understand. They are the ones thinking I'm just being ridiculous. But those few who have actually experienced something literally life changing, would never call me ridiculous. They would sympathize. My life isn't terrible, and I don't want anyone to think I'm complaining. I'm not. Just explaining.

My last year in school I went on sabbatical. Not from life, but from love. You can't fully appreciate someone until you can appreciate yourself. I heard that somewhere. It's truer than any other saying out there. I didn't appreciate myself. Not even close. So I didn't date. I never even looked. If someone liked me, I never saw it. It was a great year. Full of surprises and disappointments. But no one got hurt. Ever. I was still the same tough person from the year before. No bullshit. No stupidity. But nobody hated me. Or at least I never saw it. I told the truth whether you wanted to hear it or not. Even if people don't appreciate that they respect it. Even those who faced the blunt side of me on a regular basis respected me. I found me. Sort of. Still, I wasn't ready to bring someone else into the equation. I like being able to do my own thing. Not having to work around someone else's schedule. Not having to say where I'm going or what I'm doing. No worries. Yes, there are times when having someone is a great thing. But not yet.

So the end of school came and went. I moved to a big city where if you can't find yourself there, you never will. I have a group of excellent people already. We have only known each other for a little over one week. I haven't gone on a date in over a year. I'm not looking. Not yet. The way I figure it is, if I'm not looking, I'll find it. Someone else probably said that once, but it relates. Newton wasn't looking for gravity until it hit him on the head. And look at what his life became. So in regards to my friend trying to set me up. Not until I know who I am. I'm close. I can feel it. I won't settle for the mundane. Why should I? I want the spectacular. The saying "shoot for the stars because even if you miss you'll land among the stars" is a bunch of bull. If I'm shooting for the moon and land among the stars, I failed somewhere and need to try harder.

I could be the sentimentalist and wish for simpler times. Like in high school, when I was certain. But then again. I wasn't the happy me that I am now. Why wish for simple when you can have complicated. Where you never know what the day will bring.

Okay, enough with my inner thoughts. If you made it this far than I'm sure you think I'm crazy. But you know what? I don't care. And I appreciate your loyalty in putting up with such an interesting personality. If you relate, great; if not, than lucky you.

Until next time...

Will someone do my dishes?

The only downfall with living in a single non-kitchen room is the lack of a dishwasher and the lack of big sinks. This means that all of my dishes pile up quickly. I have to do dishes twice a day to keep them under control and I refuse to do such a thing. I hate dishes. Everything about them. If I didnt believe in the environment, I would use disposable plates. Seriously. I would. But, no I have a conscience and could not do that to the world around me.

So I guess I will just have to start doing my dishes. Ugh. I really wish I were rich enough to hire someone to do them for me. Not a maid. I can clean my own house, just a dishwasher(not the machine that still requires me). I know many people think it is weird not to like something so easy. Ask my parents, I have cleaned the entire house including the bathroom, just to get out of dish duty. This is serious business.

I have fallen in LOVE with Georgetown...

...enough said. That is all.

The Weekend

I have decided to go to Maryland for the weekend. It's not that I'm bored here in the city, because there is no way of that, but my aunt seemed to really want me to say yes. Especially, when my grandmother called to ask if I would come and then proceeded to hand the phone off so I could say yes. It doesnt get more obvious than that.

It also happens to be my first trip on the metro...alone. Now this will provide a ton of stories Im sure.

My mother told me to write down everything from my first days in the city. I've tried to only post the important details. I dont want to bore anyone with my mundane life. However, I realize that was is important to me, may in fact be boring to all of you. So I do apologize for that and ask forgiveness for the following post.

Saturday was my first night as most of you know. I didnt do anything but unpack and reheat leftover chinese food for dinner. I even found time to sit by my window and read and observe all of the sites that are so convenient to see. I ended up going to bed extremely early due to an extreme case of exhaustion. Moving takes a lot out of a person.

Sunday I woke up extremely early. I had my alarm set for 9am but I didnt pay attention to the fact that the city woke up at 6am all on its own. So by the time my parents called to say they were on their way, I had already had my cup of coffee and had a shower. I ended up waiting forever for them to get here simply because my phone apparently wouldnt receive their phone calls. This made them angry (they thought I purposefully ignored them). By 11am they were here and I was making the final touches to my room. We grabbed lunch at The Dubliner, a cute little pub near Union Station. After lunch we went to the Mount Vernon Campus. My father felt the need to grant me permission to attend classes there. So once he was satisfied he brought me back to my apt where we then left to go stock up on groceries. My mother insisted on going before they left, she wanted to buy my first load, so I wouldnt run out of money. Before my parents left to head home, my mom made me promise to call her everyday for a while (until she got used to me being gone). Of course, she never acted that way when I went to Longwood, not even my first year, but I guess a big city will do that to some people. That night I was so sore that I did some yoga (see below post for info).

Monday was my first official day alone. I woke up early (again), after completing some AM yoga I drank my coffee and got ready for a day of exploration. The first thing I did was find the nearest BB&T. It was a decent walk but doable. Once I found that I headed back passing a metro station (so if I didnt want to walk I could just hop on that). I entered campus on the opposite side of where I live and found a cute little cafe, Uptown Cafe, which had a salad bar that sold by the pound. I bought some pasta salad for lunch and carried it back to my apt. Before that I sat on a bench in a quaint court. I'm not sure of its name, though I'm sure I will find out. I just sat and watched people for maybe a half hour before I decided to head back. It was only 11:30am but was already in the 90s. When I got back I ate my lunch and cooled off for awhile. Around 1:30pm I got a little stir crazy. It was so pretty outside that I knew I shouldnt just sit indoors all day. I decided to see how long the walk to Georgetown was. It took me about 15min, so not too terrible. I passed various shops that indicated the type of people at Georgetown, lets just say it is a bigger version of Hampden Sydney, and maybe richer. I also found one of the biggest Barnes&Nobles ever. Three stories high. Doesnt sound like much, but I would walk to it everyday. The Starbucks is on the 2nd floor. I bought a smoothie simply because I had walked in the heat, so I was a little parched. I was blown away by the place. I will admit I was in shock at first when I saw that the escalator went up another floor. After about an hour I left reluctantly. I walked back to my apt where I felt satisfied with the day so I just stayed in the rest of the night. It was also my first night cooking in the community kitchen. I cant say I really liked it. But you do with what you have. Luckily most of what I fix can be done in my room and I only need to go in there when I need the stove or to wash dishes (my second sink it's quite deep enough and I refuse to wash them in the tub). I ended up in bed early again. I blame the heat.

Tuesday I fought the noise, the light, and everything else and stayed in bed until 8:30am. I know I'm a late sleeper. I did some morning yoga to stretch out my stiff joints. I drank my coffee and ate a bowl of cereal. Then I did my usual Facebook, Email, Financial Aid checks. That's when I decided that the Financial Aid office was going to get another little visit from me. So I got ready and had some lunch before I left (I would need my strength). Let's just say I dont like them. Not one straight answer. Oh well, they cant get rid of me, at least not that easy. Then I went upstairs and bought a lanyard to hold my ID (Im sick of having to keep finding it). Once that was taken care of I went back to that same little court and sat and read. It was great, just the right amount of shade. Once the place started getting crowded I decided to leave, that was maybe an hour later. As I was walking back, this lady and her daughter/granddaughter? stopped me to ask me directions to a building on campus. Now I must remind you all that I have only been out twice, but it still pleases me to know I dont look lost or new. Luckily, I knew where they were talking about and how to get there. Before going back to my room I decided to walk up to Trader Joes. Now for a reference point, you have to walk up past the road that goes to Georgetown to get there. One block more to be exact, so not bad. I didnt grab a cart when I went in because I really wasnt planning on shopping. I just went in to look at their wine and grab some cherries. That's when I remembered that I was planning on having spaghetti tonight and I didnt have meat. So of course I had to grab some of that, then I past some amazing looking French Rolls. I grabbed those too, or at least the man in front of me did, since I had my hands full of deliciousness. Anyone who knows me knows how I feel about carbs. I cant stay away. So when I tell you those rolls are phenomenal you may not believe me (since I love food so much), but let me just say that I am willing to walk there everyday for one roll. Luckily I remembered to bring my rolled up bag with me. I love that the city charges $0.05 for a bag, but hate it when I get stuck on that end of the bargain. Trader Joes credited me $0.05 for having my own, so it was an even bigger plus. When I eventually made it back home around 2pm I had a bowl of fruit (cherries and oranges), a glass of water, and of course one of the rolls. Yummy. I then spent the rest of my afternoon reading by the window, that way I felt outside while really being in the air conditioning. It makes me feel better about being inside while everyone else is working. Around 4:30pm I did some more yoga (my legs were sore from walking, I am so out of shape). I hope yoga helps with my tight muscles, but I must admit that since I am so out of shape, I'm not that great at all of the stretches. Then I prepared my delicious Italian meal. Spaghetti (elbow noodles) with ground beef (organic lean), onions, and red pepper spaghetti sauce. Oh and a roll, accompanied with a glass of Joseph Handler Sweet Red wine (German). The wine was difficult to open. I had to put a lot of elbow grease into it, since the stupid cork screw was worthless. Otherwise, it was a very sweet semi dry wine. It was a blend of raspberry and plum. Went extremely well with the pasta and bread.

Tomorrow I will need to go back to Georgetown. I've already finished the book I bought there yesterday. Maybe I should stop reading, it really is putting a damper on my finances.

Me? A Yogi?

After moving all of my stuff into my new room and unpacking all of the boxes and bags, my body retaliated. Every muscle in every limb hurt to move. I know that means I did something wrong in the moving process but I dont care, they still hurt. So I decided to do something about it.

I recently read Eat, Pray, Love and the way yoga was described and how it made her feel actually made me want to try it. After the tension in my shoulders wouldnt let me relax I decided to. I did an internet search online to find some stretched for shoulders and lower back. I downloaded the six videos from my iTunes and tried the PM video for relaxation before bed.

AMAZING! My entire body felt relaxed and loose. My shoulders still held some of the pain from the days before but they felt 100 times better. I was actually able to lay down and go to sleep. Pain free.

When I woke up I did the stretches from the AM video, which was supposed to wake your body up and loosen the joints. Again I felt fantastic.

Day 1 of DC exploration:

Started by walking six blocks down and three blocks up to find the nearest bank (BB&T). Not so bad. I ended that journey by stopping by Uptown Cafe and grabbing lunch. I then walked back to my apt and spent a few hours resting and cooling off.

After being fully recovered from the previous adventure, I decided to see exactly how far away Georgetown was. Driving there isnt so bad, but walking? Really not that bad. To get there I walked five blocks up and five blocks over. I ended up in front of a huge Barnes and Nobles and figured it was the perfect place to rest. I bought a delicious raspberry smoothie and rested for about 20 minutes. I ended up passing a yoga stand and decided to buy a mat. While looking at them I found a beginners kit and settled for that (it included a mat, block, strap, and DVD). I also ended up buying yet another book (how could I not?). When asked if I needed a bag I replied yes, why should I carry the big box all the way back to the apt, I was charged five cents for a bag that wasnt big enough so I ended up carrying it anyway!

So I guess I am a Yogi. Well almost. It's not like Im taking classes or anything. Maybe once my flexibility is where I want it to be.

All settled in the big city

I am finally moved-in. Completely moved-in. All of my clothes are put away, groceries purchased, electronics set up. Done.

I must say it is a great feeling. Im on my own again, except this time I have no one to turn to just yet. I know where the movie theaters are (even the free old films in the city), the best places to eat, and I have all of the passes I need to get around.

Im set and ready to go. Two weeks from now I will be in classes studying my booty off. Until then Im going to enjoy having something to do!

Worst day in a long time!

Today has been the worst day in the history of August days in 2010.

This morning around 7:30am my cat started meowing. I paid no attention like always. BUT THEN. I noticed she had jumped up onto my bed (I usually dont let her sleep with me) and she proceeded to PEE on me (hence why she doesnt sleep with me).

Not a good way to start a morning. So I stripped my bed, and changed my clothes (mom was in shower), grabbed my cup of coffee and that's when I knew that it was going to be one of those days.

Around 9am I got ready to go to Walmart, the bank, and anywhere else I needed to go. I got to my car and turned the key....NOTHING HAPPENED...my battery had died. When this happened I dont know. I hadnt used my car since Monday, so who knows how long it had been that way.

One thing I did notice about my car was that the drivers door was partially open, as though it hadnt quite gotten closed. So I figured that the light had stayed on and drained the battery. I called my Dad and told him to come jump-start my car but I had to wait until 11:30am. Great.

When he finally got here, we couldnt push my car down the drive-way so he had to maneuver his to the front of mine (not good for the neighbor's flowers). Well, jump-starting didnt work. My car still wouldnt start. Luckily my neighbor had a battery charger and I was able to get that hooked up. Unfortunately, it had to sit for two hours.

So I took my Dad's car on my errands and when I got back my car would actually run. Of course that couldnt be the end of it. Apparently, my silent security alarm was going off, that is what drained the battery, not the open door.

What caused my silent security alarm to go off you may ask? Oh Ill tell you. The alarm would only go off if the car was forced open. LIGHT BULB. My door was partially open (remember!).

SOMEONE TRIED TO STEAL MY CAR!!!!

Oh if that wasnt the icing on a perfectly good cow pie of a day. I simply thought it was my haphazard closing of a door, but nooooooo someone actually tried to break in. This is the same car that someone slashed a tire on.

Dear thief/tire slasher,

I get the message. You dont like me for whatever reason. Whatever it is I have done, please move on, it must have happened oh so long ago. I am so sorry for it, but could you do me a huge favor and LEAVE MY CAR ALONE.

Thank you so much,

Megan

So I wrap up this post with the hope that tomorrow is a MUCH better day. But until then...

Not quite there, but close.

Today was the infamous move-in day that I've counted down to for months. It wasnt that spectacular, or at least not as I imagined. I still have one more week at home and the room isn't quite together yet, hopefully next weekend ties together the loose emotions.

Let me describe for you my future/present home.

The building looks small on the outside, it is cream in color and rather dull to look at. It is situated directly across from some of the most magnificent buildings I have really ever been near. They aren't architecturally great or anything just beautiful. The building was once an old hotel, so that explains the front door(or sliding doors). There is a round-about where you can be dropped off or drop off, etc. The sliding door opens automatically as you would expect, but the difference is in the second sliding door. You have to walk over to the far wall and swipe an ID card to allow access. All this while simultaneously stepping in front of the motion detector to open the door, if this isn't done in a matter of seconds you must repeat the process.

Inside is what you typically find in an old hotel. There is a concierge desk to the left and another on the right. There is a door before the second desk that leads to mailboxes(this is how you know it is no longer a hotel). The elevators are down the hall and around the corner(typical). There is a set of stairs that lead to the Mezzanine Level. On this lever there is a "study" lounge and a weight room. I don't think I will use either, though the idea is valid. To use the elevator or stairs for that matter you must swipe your card again and wait for the green light and then hit the "up" button. Why you must do this escapes me, I mean if you got into the building, you must belong there, and on the off chance that you don't, then you will just keep following the same person up the elevator (DUH!).

My room. It is located on the 3rd floor. There are signs on the wall after exiting the elevator that point in the direction of your room number(again a reminder of former hotel life). My room happens to be in the corner at the far left end of the building. This I don't mind, simply because it isn't going to experience a ton of traffic and it happens to be a little more private. Each room has a hotel "door knob" that has the option for swiping a card or using a key. No worries folks I have a key. When you open the door you are faced with a closet. Once inside you can look to your right and find a sink and then the bathroom door, where there is another sink. I really am confused by the two sinks but oh well right? Under the sink were two trash cans, which I came to understand as being for recycling. Anyone who knows me knows that I have finally found my home. The store across the street even charges for plastic bags! Now I know I'm in the right place. Back to the room, after the initial view of the bathroom you are drawn to the fact that there are two closets. Then the fridge. I take pride in this simply because it is not the baby fridge you get freshman year but an actual fridge. With ice. A grown-up fridge if you will. Now I happened to notice not all rooms had this same big fridge, so that makes it even more special. I also have two dressers, they are small and together would be one but I like the not-so-high-off-the-ground feel. Then there is a desk, of course, and this is also special to me. It is my first ever left-handed desk. That may not sound great to everyone, but to someone who is left-handed and has always had a desk for right-handed people, it is very special. You may be thinking "big deal, it's a left-handed desk, like that makes a difference" oh but it does. Instead of having to completely twist in my seat to write and use the computer I can simply stay in the same comfortable position for both. Next time you sit at your desk, notice how easy it is and then try to do it from a left-handed angle, you will soon understand. Okay, enough about the desk. My bed. Is a disappointment compared to the fridge and desk. It is a twin. Which I had all my life, but have recently gotten used to a full. Oh well, it is only for one year and I enjoy twins. Now the downfall to my room is that there are no chairs. At all. No place to sit, except for the bed. Now I am not sure why but I feel gypped. Also there is a cool balcony that I am not allowed to go out on. Safety reasons. And I get that, but I'm naturally a safe person and still feel short changed.

Well that is all I can say about my humble abode. I have posted pictures on Facebook of the plain Jane walls and atmosphere. No worries, I will post more when it is all said and done. I don't want in-between photos, just Before and After.

Today is Friday, August 6th. That may not mean much to many of you, but it means that tomorrow is move-in day for me. I have packed my life away (most of it) and my car is stuffed to the brim and prepared for the long journey to Washington, DC tomorrow morning. I can check in around 8am so I believe we are trying to get there super early to beat the heat.

Im not staying there tomorrow, I have been talked into coming back home for another week. It's not too bad of a thing, I dont think Im as ready to leave as I keep making myself believe. I know that sounds weird but it's just the way it is.

So tomorrow is going to be a LONG day. I mean driving 4hrs, unloading the car, organizing the room, lunch?, dinner?, and then the journey home. Of course doing it again the next weekend wont exactly be fun either but I wont have to return.

Im sure Ill post pictures of my tiny room...so until then...

My Summer in a Nutshell

Well so much for an uneventful summer and counting down to DC. Since May I have been to North Dakota, South Dakota, Wyoming, Montana, and Maryland (twice). Sounds busy. I have even been to Washington to visit and see where things are and will be returning this coming Wednesday.

So where to begin. Let's see...

The rest of May was consumed by the threat of life after graduation. The loans. The deadlines. Terrible things really. Dark places. Needless to say the school wasnt exactly helpful in those departments.

June started off rough given the previous month's adventures. But, the World Cup began and my life was taken over by sweaty foreign guys running around a big green field. I look forward to that every four years. In the middle of the month my family and I headed west. Mom and I followed Dad out there for one of his summer jobs. We started in North Dakota but had to cross the border for Wyoming and Montana just to say we had. We spent a few days in South Dakota trying to see as much as we possibly could. It was fun, even if we were all sick of nature(trees, fields, rocks) by the time we returned. All this while I watched/followed the World Cup like a religion. We ended up spending 10 days out there. Once we got back I resumed my position of not doing anything. Okay, only when I wasnt working on school requirements.

The beginning of July was spent trying to surprise my Dad for his birthday. We succeeded. That same week he left for Connecticut and I left for Maryland. Leaving Mom all alone (she enjoyed every second). I spent a week in Maryland returning the next Thursday. I drove my aunt up and had to bring her back. That Saturday my Mom and I left for Maryland (again). We spent a week at the beach where Dad joined us. We had to take our cat with us because she was sick and required medicine. Dad and I drove back once the week was over and my Mom drove to visit my Grandmother for a few days.

Of course, once I was finally back home I started to realize that I only had TWO weeks until I left for DC. And in that time I was going up there to get my ID and talk to financial aid (no loans went through! not a good sign). So really I only had a week.

I hate packing and have to actually repack my life for the fourth time since starting school. This should mean I am an expert, but unfortunately no. Each year requires new things and different things. This year I'm completely on my own. So I seem to need EVERYTHING.

Here's to new adventures. Hopefully, I wont neglect this for another two months. Until next time...

New beginnings

Since the last time I blogged I have completed my last and final year at Longwood University and I have officially graduated. Now on to bigger and better things right? HA. So far my graduated self has done nothing but sit around on the couch and play personal assistant to the crippled father. Fun right? Wrong. Lowe's even denied my employment THREE times. So I am unemployable and absolutely bored. Welcome to adulthood. I guess a bright side is that in less than three months I will moving to the DC area and embarking on a rather unique adventure.

Until then...

Three exams between me and the end of the year.

Four days between me and going home.

Ten days between me and graduation.

Where did this year go?

Why did it go so quickly?

Today was my last Monday of my undergraduate career. Im really not sure how to handle the nerves. I couldnt finish my lunch due to the overwhelming thought. I just want to make it out of here and not notice I did it.

Tonight was my last Alpha Chi Sigma meeting EVER! That was really scary. I went to McDonalds to celebrate.

Im just scared.

Im on the tightrope of reality and the safety net has vanished and if I slip once Im done. (dont you love the analogy)

The truth is...

My final Spring Weekend has officially ended. Im not sure how to feel about it, except that it's a little unnerving. I now only have two weeks until the last day and Im not ready for the future. Not ready at all. I dont look forward to packing up my stuff and leaving forever, or going home knowing I will soon be leaving it for good. The truth is that when May 8th comes around I will be a true adult and will soon be on my very own.

Everyone dreams of this as a child, the whole "I cant wait to be on my own" speech we all know so well. What we dont realize when we are young is all that that statement implies. Financially Im not ready, mentally Im not ready, physically Im not ready. Some people may say it will all work out in time and that I should just let it ride out, but Im a planner by nature and not being able to plan for now is painful. Ive had my life planned out for as long as I can remember, yeah sure some things have changed along the way (i.e. I didnt go to Roanoke College) but the ultimate goal has always been the same. I would graduate high school and go to college for chemistry, then I would get my graduate degree in Forensics, from there I will work in a lab somewhere and be perfectly happy. Well, the first two are done and the third is about to begin and Im not sure about the "getting a job somewhere" part. I could find myself living in California and so far from my family. That is where it gets scary. Im also scared about attending George Washington. It's in DC, and Ive never lived in a BIG city. I was born in Portsmouth moved to Salem and went to school in Farmville. Let's face it I love the mom-and-pop towns where everyone knows you. DC is not one of those places.

Oh well I guess. Live does take you through unexpected places. I guess I just need to sit back and enjoy the crazy ride.

Do you have thoughts?

I feel as though society as a whole is losing their ability to have complete thoughts. Technology has advanced extremely to allow us contact with anyone at any time anywhere. It’s absolutely wonderful. But, Im seeing more and more how people abuse this. When talking on aim many simple respond “hehe” or “lol”. I hate one word responses. I feel as though it’s demeaning to the other person if you respond to their statement with one word. The same thing applies to text messages, “k” is a letter not an appropriate answer. Call me old fashioned, but the human race is going to advance in technology only to diminish in verbal capabilities and thought. We have become a nation full of texting, iming, blogging, etc…only we never really say anything. This is a problem I feel needs to be fixed. We wonder why the younger generations are ignorant and fear for our future, but we are to blame.

P.S.- sorry for the rant, it just gets old dealing with it everyday

Every morning I wake up more tired than I was the night before, I turn off my alarm and I look out the window. It is the same routine everyday. I think it develops my mood for the day. When it is gross and rainy I never quite wake-up but when it is sunny and great I pop out of bed. Today and for the past couple days, it has been exceptional outside. The sun reflects off the buildings across from mine and shines in my window. The world outside looks happy and wonderful. All this at 9am. I usually make myself a cup of coffee, grab the book of the week, and sit by my window just enjoying the day. Now when life gets a bit crazy I find myself doing the same thing, but with homework on my lap. I believe it is a healthy start to any morning. I mean it could be much worse. I love seeing the kids around campus laying out on the lawn or sitting by the fountains. It's what attracted me to Longwood and it is still my favorite thing to see. I do, however, think it is much too cold still to be in a bathing suit (which happens too often and I think girls really should think before doing it).

I cant wait for the warm weather and the ability to wear a dress or shorts. I crave this. It may be wonderful outside of my window, but it is still graced with chilled wind and periodic shivers. Today is supposed to be in the 60's. This weekend it is supposed to be as high as 80. I cant wait. I may even take my camera and capture my surroundings.

What!?

I have unexplainable bruises all over my body, my ankle is swollen and cut, and Im not sure why Im so sore…BUT…one of the best nights of my young adult life :)

Decisions. Decisions.

I went to GWU this past Friday to walk around and get a feel for the environment. I also discovered that my program isnt on the main campus but the campus 10 minutes away from the main one, this was disappointing but hey what's 10 minutes right!?

Pluses to GWU: they recycle (yes I consider that)

their printers automatically print on both sides of the paper

they are supper friendly

they have a great facility

they have a specific program

oldest program in the nation (FBI asked them to start it!)

they have excellent connections (most the professors work in the field they teach)

Downfalls: expensive tuition/living

location

Now let's analyze Syracuse University

Pluses: they have a great location

they have relatively inexpensive living

they have a super friendly environment

Downfalls: they have a new program (3yrs)

they are located 10 hrs away

their program is less specific/more generic

their connections aren't as strong

So by the looks of it GWU has more advantages...now I guess I just have to make a final decision, stick with it, and call the loser...

Complicated

Welp, things just got complicated.

I was just accepted in to George Washington's Forensic Chemistry program. I already sent in the intent form for Syracuse, but now Im not sure which program I should attend. GW has a better curriculum but Syracuse is a nicer place.

So the question is: Should I go with the program better suited for me, or go to the school that has a better environment?

Moving on out...

This week has made me realize my parents and I cant be together for a week. At dinner tonight I was talking about how even though Syracuse has on-campus housing for grad students I want to live in an off-campus apt. Well the conversation was going smoothly until I said something and my dad told me to be quiet. Rule #1: I hate being told to relax and I really hate being sshed (sp?). SO of course I started in on how since I am an adult I deserve the same respect they would show any other person. My dad just couldnt let me say it without getting in his mood. Now we are all in separate rooms.

Did I mention that we happened to be in Olive Garden when this occurred. I am so happy to be home, I always feel so wanted.

It may be time to go back to school but I wonder if they are really prepared for me moving 10 hours away.

Oh I guess I forgot to mention, I got in to Syracuse University's Forensic Program!

I miss old-fashioned letters. Love letters, business letters, any kind of letter.

I realize that e-mail is quicker but snail-mail is personal. A deeper connection than most realize.

I really do miss letters.

Youth is Wasted

Whoever said "youth is wasted on the young" was a brilliant person. It's true. We are young, but what do we do with our youth!? We spend all of our time in school, inside a building, not out enjoying the gift of nature. In our youth we obsess over the future and what it has to offer, we never once stop and think about our present moment or the past regrets. Sometimes it is good to look ahead, however, other times it would be useful to just Be. By the time our future comes we wont even notice it because we will have another future to plan out and so on and so forth. When we are old and decrepit and there is no reason to plan for the future we will finally be allowed to think of the current situation. By that time it is too late. All of our energy will be gone, our desires to do anything, basically our youth. We will then spend the next phase of our lives regretting the past and all the wasted adventures. If only we all lived as Benjamin Button, a fictional character who got to experience the prime of his life only after he learned to appreciate it.

I am a lucky youth. My family has never been the type to let an opportunity slip by. We jump on planes in the blink of an eye for destinations we picked out of a hat. We dont plan moments, we just do them. Last summer we went to Ireland, we planned that trip in 3 days because our flight left in 5. Over Christmas break we went to Las Vegas simply because we could. This summer we are planning a trip, to Hawaii, for reasons unknown to me. I am always going to embrace the present, and will never let the future hinder me. Yes, I need to think more and more about my future, but I have faith it will work out no matter how I get there.

Youth will not be wasted on me.

Today is February 22. To most this is just another ordinary day. To me it has no meaning, but as of today I only have 11 days until Spring Break. That doesnt seem like something to write about and in all honesty it isnt. But I must admit that I am rather sick of campus and everything that goes with it. Im stir-crazy. I need an escape. I must get away from this place before I am permanently put in an asylum somewhere. School is tough, but when you are always surrounded by it, it gets worse. Much worse. So I am happy for Monday, February 22, because I now only have 11 more days until freedom.

Dear Void,

I'm stuck. The honest truth is I have so much I want to say, I just don't know how to start. It's suppose to be easy, you just sit and type and what comes out comes out. But it's not that simple. I started a blog to help ease my thoughts. To allow the words I can't say out loud to be free. Unfortunately I have come to find that when I can actually sit and talk about what it is that is bothering me, the words just don't jump onto the page. Instead I get a mess of phrases that make no sense when put together. This is a prime example of how I am unable to express myself.

I'm stressed. There is nothing else to say about that, it's true. I have no solution and I can't pin-point a single cause. It just is what it is. I lack the ability to cope. I always have. I used to sleep it off, or trudge through the muck. Now, I find it harder to keep going. The stresses of life have increased and they all come at the same moments. I have no time to sleep and not enough time to function. However, I realize that the time sitting here typing out my frustration, I could've accomplished one thing on my list. Would I then be any less stressed? The answer is simple. No. I would still have the weight of the world, or as it seems to me, on my shoulders. I would still be pulling my hair out trying to get things done. The difference, well that's easy, I would have kept it all bottled up inside of me instead of letting it out. At least this way it is out in the deep void.

I'm done. I'm done ranting about the meaningless problems in my life. I'm done obsessing over the past. I'm done trying to put on a good front. I'm done. Simply done. I know that there will come a day when I feel the need to waste my time and that of whoever may read this on another meaningless complaint, but until then I'm done. It may help me feel better about it, but it won't make it go away. I'm sick of caring, when others don't. I'm tired of giving my all and only getting a fraction of effort in return. It's exhausting and I'm over it.

Thank you for your attention,

The Mindless Blogger

Happy Groundhog's Day

I havent updated my life in quite some time. Maybe it is because nothing ever happens in my life that is worth mentioning. And the only reason Im updating now is because I have a tiny bit of news. I have submitted all of my graduate applications and all I have left is to wait and see. Just wait and see. I have also purchased my graduation information and sent in my diploma request. It is quite nerve racking, but what can you do.

Alright so that is all that has happened in my meek existence. And when/if something else arises I will be more than happy to post it. Until then...

I was watching a movie today and there was a line that went something like this : "you dont want love, you want love in a movie". It got me thinking and I have decided I want love in a movie.

My LAST first day...

Today was like any first day, I was nervous yet excited to see everyone again. I made up my mind before I got back that I would make that extra effort to be nice to everyone. And yes it is going to be an effort. I'm honest, sometimes that means I'm mean. I also decided that I needed new faces. Not the same 10 people I see all the time and not necessarily new friends, but new faces. I've been with the same people for 3years now, it's time for a change. No such luck. My first class was full of the same people from last semester's linear algebra class, all math majors. My second class held hope, it's the senior seminar that every major takes, but again no such luck. My roommate is in it with me, which I love because I hate English. Sunshine, from freshman year, is also in there with us. It's nice because I never see him anymore, yet he isn't exactly new to me. The other 14 people in the class were all people I have had the "pleasure" of meeting before. Let's put it this way, I can't escape anyone on this campus. My third and final class of the day was never going to be an opportunity for new faces, it was yet another math class, and I already knew that half of the people in physics and calculus would be in it. Yep, there are 37 of us, and every single person has had at least 3 classes with me before now. My hope of new people is dead. My class tomorrow only has 10 people in it, and Ive been with them since freshman year. I have no chance of a new start. No new opportunities. Maybe it's a good thing Im leaving in May. Im guaranteed new people in grad. school. I just wish I could have one more chance at Longwood. The whole being nice thing may only last until Friday, but at least I'm trying. The ending to my day made me realize that I would never again be nervous at Longwood. That I would never again have to walk to a new class room and hope it was the right one. I will never have another first day. Sad yet exciting. I don't think I'm ready for my next step, but I know Im ready to move on. That may be a contradiction, but it's the honest truth.

Packing/Unpacking/Packing....Neverending

Break is almost over. My last semester in undergrad will begin on Monday January 12. Im nervous, not gonna lie, but Im ready. I've worked harder than imaginable to get this far and I deserve the outcome. Im still working on my grad school applications, yes it has taken me a month, and I can honestly say I am almost done. Almost. I need my transcripts and few tweaked personal essays and then I can call it quits.

Right now I am recovering from jet-lag after returning from Las Vegas on Monday. Excuses Excuses. I still havent fully unpacked from that trip and I am expected to be packed to go back to school in less than 4 days. Just to unpack again, all in a span of one week. I dont really have anything to complain about, but it just takes soooooo long.

Well I guess next time I pack will be to move out of my apartment and into another one located near my grad school. Okay I dont want to think about that.