This won't make much sense to most of you. But I have had one of the worst experiences in my life. I wont go into details about it. Just know that it was life-changing. It also is something that makes my life a little difficult right now.
I have always been great at hiding extreme emotion. Only a handful of people have actually seen me cry. I have been called heartless for not feeling the way one should in certain situations. But trust me. I have felt every single emotion. I just never show it. Why you may ask?
That is simple. I dont want to ever show weakness. I cry. A lot. But you will never know that.
Back to my problem. I have always questioned the bigger scheme of things. For instance do things really happen for a reason? Is there always a bright side? I would like to believe that bad things dont happen to good people for no reason. But right now I cant help but question it all. How could something like that be good?
Karma. She has always been my reason for waking. For doing anything. If you mess with Karma she will kick you back harder. Where is she now? Why would she desert me?
I know you are probably reading this wondering what on Earth could bring me to this. And I wont tell you. So dont ask. I still havent quite dealt with it myself. Today is a beautiful day. Perfect weather. My favorite. And I woke up feeling better than I have the past couple days. But all in one moment it crashed. I went reverted back. Except I am more upset at this moment than I was afterwards. Why? Is it just hitting me? Just setting in? Am I finally realizing what happened? Maybe. Or maybe I am just now questioning the Why me?
I dont really expect an answer. I guess I just needed to put the question out there. My whole world has been tipped. Without the belief that when someone falls, someone else stands, I would never make it out of bed. Because as much as I've fallen, as far as I've fallen, I need to believe that I will eventually stand again. Am I silly for hoping? I hope not.
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