Graduate School Applications can DIE!

I hate applications. Everything about them just drives me mad. The personal statements; the repetition on name, address, phone number; and the irritating need for transcripts. In the past school years of my life I have attended three, count them three, colleges. Yes I currently only attend Longwood University, but I took a class at Virginia Tech and did dual enrollment at Virginia Western. That may seem all fine a dandy, but just you wait. When you are applying to graduate school they need every detail. Every last one. In order for me to be considered I have to submit all three transcripts to all nine schools. That is 27 transcript requests and 27 transcript fees. It adds up. Especially if you add the nine application fees to it. It costs an arm and maybe 1/4 of a leg to even apply to school. And that gives no guarantee of actually being accepted. Oh the agony, the torture, the stress. So I will again state that graduate school applications can in fact DIE! I will be thrilled when I have turned them all in and said good riddance to them. At this point in time I dont even care if I get in, I just want the applications to be finished!

...Christmas Break...

A well-deserved break from the normal college life. Something we all need to be able to go back and continue strenuous learning.

Currently I am going on my 3rd day of break. Today I did nothing but sit around and watch old films. I baked fruit leather and ordered pizza. It seems ideal but sitting alone on a rainy day is somewhat depressing. Yes, I enjoyed the silence of no expectation, but I also felt as though when I am older I wont like to be alone. It has its moments, I must say.

I still have 3 weeks left of my break. I feel as though once it gets exciting I will lose track of everything and the time will fly quickly. So let's just enjoy the lonesome rainy days baking away in the kitchen shall we...

FINAL-ly

I have just finished my last Chemistry Final of my undergrad career. It was the same day that I realized I had just completed my final Fall Semester. It was a sad yet glorious day.

That is all.

The Library...

This is a tale like no other. It begins in a small college town in the middle of nowhere. A young girl walks towards a giant building that threatens to consume her soul. Every light is on and through the looming windows she can see shadows of people that are no more. This threat is unlike one she has ever encountered. The thoughts of all she must endure are swimming around in her mind causing her much pain. As she walks through the doors that sense her presence, she catches sight of all those she once knew. She finds a spot in the midst of the familiar faces and slowing drifts off into a slumber. The sights and sounds around her are so strange and unusual. She cannot fully grasp the depth of them. There are conversations all around of things unimaginable to her mind. The faces of those closest to her are blank and distant. The eyes show no emotion. She is lost in the crowd. After many hours she doesnt even recognize herself. This nightmare seems to go on forever and never wants to end. This is the Library and this is Exam week.

?

How can you look forward to something, yet dread it at the same time!?

The problem with Thanksgiving

The break was much needed and much deserved. The drive home wasnt desirable but also wasnt bad. The weather could be nicer, but Mother Nature is very picky. The food was in excess and the bellies were very happy. Nobody can complain about Thanksgiving.

Unless you are me. Yes, I know, Thanksgiving is a wonderful holiday where people come together and celebrate the things most dear (family). Well, let's think back shall we...my family isnt normal. On a typical week we separate on Sundays just so we will be able to be together for the rest of the week. This may sound weird to most people, but once you know us you completely understand. My entire family is strong. By that I mean we all have our own identities and our own very intense personalities. This means that opinions and ideas may not mesh and neither side will back down.

Now that I have painted a beautiful picture for everyone, let me describe my holiday. We were invited to my aunt's house(on my mom's side) but you see this aunt had a falling out with my grandmother (safe to say we didnt go there). We ended up at my uncle's house (Dad's brother), this caused more issues. You see this is the side of my family that we never talk to. Why you may ask!? good question. Let me try and explain this. My dad's mother stopped talking to us 14yrs ago. Yeah I know. She refuses to be around us or anyone that associates with us. I've never really been clear on the reason, but let's just say I stopped caring. So my dad's brother started talking to us again when I was 18 (meaning he hadnt for 12yrs). The only reason he came around is because he was about to have a kid (doesnt seem fair huh?).

Okay, now that that's somewhat clear. When we arrived to our "family" gathering, we were told that one of my dad's uncles was going to be joining us. This was a good surprise. For like I said we never see anyone on that side. The drama then started. What drama!? well my dad's mother was staying with this particular uncle. So he had to tell her he was going out with a girlfriend of his (so she wouldnt join him). My uncle had to tell her that they werent going to be home (so she wouldnt stop by). At the end of the night, each one of them made up a story (so she wouldnt find out).

Maybe it's hard to comprehend but since this has been going on my whole life, I've become very sensitive to it. The first few times someone: didnt invite us, made other arrangements, or did something to hide the fact we were there, didnt bother me. Now it does. I know that seems backwards, but here is a great example: my great-grandfather's birthday party. They had a huge party for him with the whole family, but told us it was on a different day so that we wouldnt be there. Yeah, safe to say this really gets to me.

My holiday was less than par mainly because during a time for family, mine was lying about being with me.

My Superstition

Horoscopes. Those pesky little "fortune tellers" that most of us read on a daily basis. Why do we do that? Is it to find some meaningful statement about the lives we dont understand? I'm really not so sure. I confess that I spend 5 minutes of my morning reading a horoscope. I never know what I'm going to find. I guess most days I just want it to tell me what I want to hear, like how life will be wonderful or my day will run smoothly. I realize that horoscopes can't determine how my life/day goes, but it makes me feel better to see that the cosmic universe as told to an unknown person isn't against me. However, with my daily intake of superstition there is a love horoscope. You know those Leo in the fourth moon crap that nobody really understands. Well, mine always says the same thing: Love is around the corner. Luckily whoever writes it puts it in a different format each day to hide the fact that it's the same, but come on I am in college. Now I realize that that is the safe way to ensure it is somewhat right. But, how can love be around the corner everday!? I mean eventually we would all be running in circles to find the one thing we all are really looking for. Now who looks stupid. I feel as though I will never understand why anyone reads horoscopes, including myself. I used to think it was because mine always seemed to be right, but "even a broken clock is right twice a day". I will probably continue to pollute my mind with silly anecdotes about a life I am not ready to fully appreciate. All the mysteries, secrets crevices, and exciting adventures that are still to come. One day I may be able to look at a horoscope and not have the expectation of a "fortune" being told. One day.

This will be...

Let's start off with the fact that Calculus 3 is NOT easier than Calculus 2. Whoever told me that was so wrong on so many levels. I am currently not understanding anything going on, I believe being dropped in Spain with only a map would be better than this class.

There is this guy...I know I know....but see the thing about him is I didn't give him a chance last year...and now I wish I had. My loss I guess.

"This was not the way I planned..."

It's a Katy Perry morning, in reference to the title.

SO I am all registered for my final semester in college...unusually sad day!

Other breaking news on my side: Mike has been shipped off.
He has been waiting for this for quite some time, but now that he is actually gone it's unreal. There was something keeping him here and I'm worried about him. Yesterday he was in Germany awaiting the plane that would take him to his final destination (hope not). As of this morning he was in Kuwait. He will always be in my thoughts. One of my best friends. :(

That is all. Just a sad week all around. X-mas music starting tomorrow (today is day of the dead, so I feel it's inappropriate to start today).

"Old Maid"

As many of you know, I'm single. I like it that way...most days. I love that I can come and go as I please and I don't have someone adding more stress into my life. I don't have to make sure someone is happy, I just have to look after myself (which is a chore). On the other hand, it would be nice to have someone to comfort me in bad times. Someone who would be there for me through anything. I need that. This year is going downhill fast and there is no one to turn to. In times of stress I'm happy to be single. I've watched my roommate deal with it and I'm thankful it's not me. But in down times, when there is nothing else, I feel that void that a guy could fill.

I'm not saying I need a guy so I'm not bored. I'm saying it's always nice to have that special someone. Always. It's finding him that causes the problems.

I'm so stuck in my own world (Chemistry and classes) that I haven't had the opportunity to go out there and meet someone. I've decided it would be best to find someone who isn't in my bubble. Someone who doesn't understand the world of Chemistry. That would make it easier to relax. I know my standards seem high, but for my well-being I feel it's best. However, as nice as it sounds on paper, I will never get the chance to find him. I'm not being a debbie-downer, I'm being realistic. I only know science majors and I only talk to guys in my classes. I have no outside friends or acquaintances. It's sad but logical (when you spend 10hrs in the science building).

College is the typical time to find the person you are meant to be with. My college career is almost over. Yes, I am going to grad-school, but if I didn't have a life in undergrad why should I assume I'll have one in graduate. The statement is simple: I'm looking. That is all.

"When the sun goes down and the stars come out to play, that's where you'll find me..."

I survived!

So I realize Friday isn't over yet. BUT. I survived. At 7:30pm last night I was finally done with all of my work. That doesn't sound too bad but it was also the first time I had been in my apartment and not in the science building in like 12 hrs. AH!

Now it's the weekend (almost) and I can't wait. Tonight I have no plans and I look forward to just watching movies. Saturday AXΣ is having a Halloween party (a week early bc then everyone comes)! So I am really excited about that one...I'm going to be a witch :)

Welp, I'm now off to my one and only class today!

All I can say is that this week is going to be one hectic week...wish me luck!

Today I have class until 6 and then a meeting at 6
Tomorrow I have a midterm, pchem homework due, research, and an AXE event
Wednesday my portfolio is due, my proposal is due, Linear algebra exam, and Demo show practice
Thursday I have nothing due (yay!) but I have the Demo show to run...oh man
Friday is funday and I cant wait

Sickness

So I have finally gotten what everyone on campus has. Go me. It started last Saturday with that pre-sickness achy feeling. Unfortunately I did nothing to prevent it. I spent all day Saturday outside yelling at people (Oktoberfest weekend..I was in charge of the booth). So when I lost my voice and started coughing I just thought it was from over-use. Oh was I wrong. Sunday I woke up with a fever of 100.3, which doesnt seem too bad but the temperature for the flu is usually around 100.4 and higher. Well ever since then I have had a fever off and on and I have been coughing so much my throat is raw and my abs are sore. I'm not even kidding, I WILL have a six pack by the time I recover. Well I have been stuffing myself with meds trying my best to get better. I don't want to go see a Dr. because I don't really trust them (dont ask me why..I just dont).

Many people won't come near me for fear I have swine flu. I'm almost positive I dont, but it's not like I've been tested yet. Wish me luck. If by Friday I am not better I will succumb to the evil that is Dr.

Why today is a good day...

1) Was woken up by the song It's 5'oclock Somewhere
2) It's Pasta Bar Wednesday
3) New FREE Music this morning
4) Starbucks coffee

...and my day hasnt even begun...this is how i know today is going to be a great day...and i need one of those :)

NEWS ALERT!

Some creepy stuff has been going on around Farmville lately. Taken straight from a Law and Order episode. It's so surreal.

Here's the story: Friday night I received a text message saying there had been a murder near campus. A professor's house was taped off and police were investigating. Saturday morning, we were all still waiting to hear details. Come to find out the suspect was armed and dangerous and on the run. Not something that makes you feel safe in such a small community.

Truth: Four bodies were found in various stages of decomposition on Friday. The bodies have yet to be identified due to the condition they were in when found. They were found in the house of Dr. Debra Kelley, a criminal justice professor who was on leave this semester. It was rumored that the suspect stole a car belonging to the professor's husband, they were separated. Their daughter hadn't been seen in a few days and a friend of hers was visiting. The parents of the friend are the ones that notified police when their daughter never came home. Police went to the house to check it out and they were told by a man that the girls had gone to a movie. The next day the police went back because the girl hadn't returned that night. That is when the bodies were found. The man that answered the door the day before was nowhere to be seen. His description was passed around. Richard Samuel Alden McCroskey III the man suspected of this brutal killing was found in the Richmond airport Saturday trying to fly to California, where he was from. His connection to the family and all involved was through the daughter. They met at a horrorcore event and he was coming to visit her. Unfortunately, the family wasn't aware of his true nature. He stayed in the house at least three days after he had killed them. The discovery was only made because the police who went to investigate could smell decomposed flesh outside of the house. His arraignment was yesterday and we all hope he is punished for this terrible crime.

This crime has shattered the Farmville community, where 6000 people (other than students) reside. Dr. Kelley will be truely missed among the students of Longwood University and all hearts go out to everyone involved.

http://www2.timesdispatch.com/rtd/news/local/crime/article/four_bodies_found_in_farmville_home/294109/

http://www.dailypress.com/news/virginia/dp-us--virginiakillings0921sep21,0,6855118.story

Spiders

So as everyone knows (or should if you call yourself my friend) I am terrified (mild description) of spiders. Horrified may be a better term. Anyway, you know this to be true. So it may come as a shock to hear that I am also allergic to them. Oh yay, I now have a legit region to be scared. How did I find this out you may ask!?

Well, it all started the other night (Wednesday I believe it was). I woke up to a beautiful morning filled with classes. I took a shower and got dressed and nothing out of the ordinary appeared. As the day progressed I noticed that there was a bug bite on my thigh (I only noticed because it was itchy). So I thought what any other normal person would that there had been an encounter with a pesty mosquito. Oh boy was I wrong. That night as I was putting on my pj shorts I happened to glance at my leg. What I saw shocked and scared me a little. There on my thigh were three...yes three...bites. This shouldnt be alarming I know but these bites were unique in that they were all in a line down my leg. I showed this to my roomies who were also quite puzzled. Later on I noticed a similar bite on the calf of my right leg (opposite to the previous bites). This made me a little more put off due to the fact that I hadnt noticed them earlier.

I continued to believe they were just mosquito bites and that I was just an unfortunate blood donor. BUT, the next day arrived. I woke up as I usually do and got ready for class. I noticed the bites were a bit bigger but not all that bad. During the day the itchy became unbelievable but still not alarming. I did however make a mental note about being able to feel the bumps on my thigh through my jeans and how they were emitting heat (through the jeans). Well, much to my surprise when I got home that night and put on my pj shorts and sat down to do some homework, I just happened to glance down at my leg. The bumps were no longer common mosquito bites but had infact grown to the size of a tennis ball (in roundness) and were quite swollen. I officially freaked out. One of my friends who had come over noticed them and started saying they looked like spider bites. Not something pleasant for me to hear.

Needless to say, I called my mom, who was immediately worried (I had told her about the bumps originally). I sent her a picture of my wonderful leg but before I could get her oppinion there was a fire drill in my building (not really part of the story but stay with me). While standing outside and missing the premiere of the Office, this girl standing behind me happened to look down. She then proceeded to tell me that I should go to a doctor ASAP. I thanked her and then thought to myself "way to make me feel good". Anyway, on my way back to the room, a girl on the stairs behind me also said "ew that girl should see a doctor" this being said also made me feel great.

No worries I did see a doctor. That night my mom made me go to the local ER and have someone look at my leg. I made my roomie go with me because lets face it, ERs are creepy. Before I registered a nurse came to see what was wrong with me and if I had a legit reason for being there. She looked at my leg and said something no nurse should EVER say. "oh my that doesnt look so good". I believe this made me feel even better about what I thought were simple mosquito bites but was now questioning. So I was called back into a room where I sat for what seemed like forever. A nurse practitioner finally came to look at my problem and told me flat out that what I had was a group of spiders that had attacked me. Okay lets see how well you paid attention. A GROUP of spiders. Yes my own nightmare coming true. She said that the reaction I was having to the bites showed a mild allergy to this particular friend of mine but that the next time I get bitten the reaction will most likely be worse. Now I realize that this statement is a little off. I dont plan on there ever being a next time where a spider will get within 5 feet of me. That being said, I better not ever go in anaphylactic shock because of them either. So they gave me a shot of Solu-medrol and some zyrtec and sent me on my way. And now I have been experiencing every single side-effect of the Solu-medrol. Headaches, dizziness, fatigue, trouble sleeping, aches, bruising, shortness of breath, increased heart rate, you name it I got it.

That is my exciting story of how I found out I was allergic to the thing I hate the most. Thank you for your time. I hope you found this as ironic as I have.

Too Little...Too Late

Since the beginning of this school year, I have been up to my elbows in work. Even when I have completed an assignment another one pops up. My biggest class to worry about right now is Pchem (Physical Chemistry). It may sound like just another class to anyone who is not in chemistry, but this is the class that all chem majors dread. Most people say Ochem is hard, but it's only hard until you get to Pchem and then oh what you wouldn't give to be back in organic. One problem for Pchem takes up two pages of paper to solve, but then once it's solved you have to write an essay explaining the meaning behind your answer.

Anyway, that being done...my semester is flying by. I have already been through Convocation and it will soon be next semester when I have to walk for graduation.

AAANNNDDD WE'RE BACK...

Longwood has welcomed me with open arms yet again. I moved into my new APARTMENT on wednesday and I must say "I'm lovin' it" (I'm right next to McDs). My apartment building has a starbucks in the bottom..along with the bookstore (Barnes and Nobles). The building across from mine has a Moe's Mexican restaurant and the one right next door has a Chic-Fil-A. Can I say "here comes FATTY!".

Okay, so the story is I'm back. The problem is class starts tomorrow and it's my final year. Sounds like a wonderful adventure where the girl looks deep into life's serious questions and finds herself at the end of the perilous journey, not to mention a dreamy hunk of a guy comes into play.

Wouldn't that be nice!?! well, we shall see is all I can say. BUT, I am very nervous about classes starting tomorrow. The nice thing is I know someone in every class....the bad thing is...I know someone in every class. Usually it's a great thing, however, there was drama last year with a few of them and I wish I didn't have to see them everyday!

But that's over and out as I like to say. See ya on the flip side as they said in the '80s. And remember: Always Look On The Brightside of Life.

:)

Endless Packing

It is never ending. It is messy. It is exhausting. It is hard. It is packing. I hate having to go through all of my things and picking which things to take with me. I hate trying to fit it all into the least amount of boxes. I really cant wait until I officially move out and only have one place to keep all of my stuff. This way I wont have to keep unpacking every summer just to pick back up and leave in the fall. But as of now I am still living at home. I am getting all of my junk together yet again. I am leaving on Wednesday to unpack it into a new living situation. And then I will pack it all back up in May and bring it all back home to unpack. This terrible cycle will continue next fall. BUT hopefully it will end next year. Hopefully I will be moving for good. Be in an apartment for two years. Then I will reluctantly move again. My life will be on the move forever. I should just buy an RV and drive around. That way when I have to move, my stuff wont have to. Haha. Oh well, live goes on!

Over and Out

Today I took the GRE (graduate record examination). I received an 1100, not including the writing section. I'm not too sure how good of a score that is, but all of my graduate school options require at least a 1000, so I feel alright about it.

I must admit that until the test ended I was so completely nervous and stressed that it felt like the day lasted a year. The test is much like the undergraduate SAT, except that the analogies are so completely ridiculous that I had to look up every one in the practice book. I was so spastic that I arrived an hour before the test. I had to fill out a form that said I wouldn't discuss the test and I had to answer questions, get my picture taken, and empty my pockets. I felt as though I was about to enter prison!

Oh well...that part of my life is over...once I get into a school I will never have to take a test like that again. Let's just hope that I get into a school. There are 8-9 slots available in each program. That means that I am completing with hundreds to get the best slot in the best school. The pressure is on!!

However, I am not even going to think about deadlines and applications until I go back to school. My first one is due in October. But no...I don't care. I get to go to the beach next week and relax...for the first time this summer!

Wish me luck, pray for me...either way I'm going to need it :)

SCHOOLS!

So I have been to three schools. I liked all of them but unfortunately so far only two are actually what I am looking for!

I still have three more to look at and then I actually have to decide and apply. The stress is unbearable. I have to take the GREs and then get all the applications in order and all of my transcripts and recommendation letters.

On top of all that I received an email that said I cant graduate due to a chemistry class I havent taken. Instrumental Analysis. BUT I took and got a B in that class last semester. So, I have some things I have to get worked out before I can even begin to apply to schools.

PROBLEMS with getting older and more responsible.

Where did it all go?

So in May, I kept complaining that it was lasting too long. I made the comment that it felt as though all 3 months of summer were fit into one month. It seemed to last forever. Giving me the impression that summer would last too long.

However, June came along eventually. As it progressed I began to realize that it wasn't long enough. Ironic. I got the feeling that my summer was dwindling. Now the end of June is near and it seems as though it started yesterday.

July is only too close and I'm not sure I want it to vanish quickly. I fear it might. For in August I will have but a short time until I embark on my last adventure at Longwood.

And too soon will the world be open to me and I must go into it.

Oh how I wish I hadn't underestimated the length of May.

SUN-SCREAM!

The sun hates me...really!! I went and spent 3 hours at the pool. I got home to find that I was not just a shade darker but I was 3 shades past purple and I could actually heat things up (a bug was killed when landing on me...due to extreme temperatures). My skin got brighter as the night progressed. By the time I went to bed I was a beautiful rouge. The pain level was extreme as well...I couldnt move my body without friction being torture. I took some pain-killers and managed to get adequate sleep. I woke this morning and the beautiful rouge had decreases to a rosy pink. The pain is still there and the color is undeniable but at least I am no longer white. I have yet to go outside today due entirely to the fact that I will be competing with the sun on who is emitting more heat. Im serious. I could probably roast a burger on my thigh. I have yet to try but I actually might. My cat wont sit on my lap or come too close..I dont blame her. Im HOT and not necessarily in a good way.

I feel as though the outdoors will be offlimits. At least for awhile anyway.

Ireland

I am back and recovered from my amazing trip to Ireland. We were on the run all day every day. We covered every part of the tiny country; North, South, East, and West!

I had the best time and wish I could still be there. No worries and no plans!

I have come to the ultimate conclusion that I could live over there because I mastered the biggest obstacle.....I CAN drive the car. The gear shift being on the left is actually much easier for me because well...I'm left-handed!! So it is official...I can live there!

A bit Early..

Well I am back a bit early. The main cause was rain..lots of it. But an underlying cause was my family's sense of spontaneity! For my birthday my dad bought me tickets to see Dane Cook, my all time favorite comedian. Well, then there is the case of Mother's Day. I thought it would be nice to do something different this year. Not have the same old card and breakfast. However, I didn't realize how different we would go. We will be leaving Sunday from Philadelphia and flying to Ireland. It will be an adventure at best. This trip is in celebration of not only Mother's Day but also my parent's upcoming 25th anniversary!

Talk about crazy. I thought my summer was going to be filled with nothing but time on my hands. I had no idea that the moment I got home I would be on the move...constantly...fortunately, I had a few days to myself to read and write and paint. Yes, I painted. I was actually very crafty during my time away. I even started and finished a long overdue scrapbook of my Senior Year!

Off the Grid

I am officially done with my second year of school. My summer vacation has begun!

Starting tonight, I am going off the grid. I will leave my phone, computer, and every means of contact behind. I will set up a tent in some location and I will be living in it for a week or two. I haven't decided where or for how long. I plan on secluding myself from society simply because I am overloaded. I wasn't home for an hour before I was told I had to e-mail this person and call that person. I am done with the real world for the moment and I want nothing to do with it. I am tired of constantly checking my e-mail to see if something new arrived or checking my phone to make sure I didn't miss anything. That is no way to live. I need to feel connected to the world and there is no better way than to live in it. I want to get away from it all.

I have been contemplating the world lately. I feel we have all lost touch with ourselves and our friends. We are more focused as a society on materialistic needs and wants and less focused on what really matters. Everyone is caught up in themselves and they forget about others. I believe we need a change. I think we all need to get back to our beliefs. Everyone has become impersonal. The age of technology has kept us all connected but has also taken away our personal attachments. We no longer feel the need to see people or to be friendly. Why go out when you can just call and have it delivered. Customer service is even computerized. I know this is all a little strange and unexpected, but for my own well-being it needs to be done. I am going to a place where time stands still and where old-fashioned letters where the only communication. Back to a time where crime and drama were limited. A time before I was born, when you had to walk next door to see your neighbor and borrow sugar. "The good 'ol days" that your grandparents always talk about. That is where you will find me.

If for some reason you need to contact me, you can send e-mails or texts. Unfortunately I will not receive them until I am back. My home phone will still work, but I may not get the messages. So, I guess all I am saying is...there is no way to get to me unless you show up in person.

The End is Near!

Tomorrow is my last day of class for the year! I then will only have 4 exams until I am home for the summer...

The hours are going by so slow, but the days just fly. I have started to realize that the end of my second year is coming to a close. I am officially done with half of my college life. This scares me. I am going to spend the summer finding a job and researching graduate schools. I will take the GREs and apply to a program in the fall. All of this is on my mind as I am rounding the home stretch!

I am finding it hard to focus on my exams with the knowledge that this summer is the last summer before I will be in the real world. It seems so far away, but it's not. I am going to have to face the fact that come this time next year I will move away and start my own life.

Yes, I will have two more years of school, but I will be out of Virginia and mainly on my own. No summer vacations, no holidays, just work.

The truth is that as scared as I am...I am also so excited! I can't explain my emotions to anybody, but I can't wait for the WORLD!

The semester needs to end...NOW

This semester has ultimately been flawless...until now. I find myself not knowing what time or even what day it is. This is probably not good. I wake up in the mornings and have to actually look at a calendar to see where I am suppose to go. I believe this is a true sign of exhaustion.

This morning for example, I woke up at 7:45 due to my alarm. I turned it off and sat there wondering why I was waking up so early on a Thursday (usually 9 on tues/thurs). I really was puzzled and even set my alarm for 9. Just as I was about to lay back down I realized it was really Wednesday! How horrible is that?

I think I need a break. A long break. Unfortunately, these last few weeks of school are going to be the toughest and the ones where I really need to know what's going on.

Wish me all the luck you can! I am seriously going to need it!

Spring Time

Well it is finally Spring. The weather is here...and everyone is beautiful! I have also discovered that due to medication, I have become extremely sun sensitive. I should not be allowed to be in it. Of course I found this out in a rather uncomfortable manor.

Anyway, my cousin Kristen is getting married this Saturday. I am extremely happy for her, and since I am the maid-of-honor, my only wish is that I don't fall down the aisle. That would be tragic and may ruin the mood of the day!

First Dates

I hate first dates. Always have. I just don't like going through the motions of trying to impress someone. I hate how they always start the same way; slow-moving, what is your favorite anything, awkward moments. Always. You always have to introduce yourself in a way that keeps them interested. My opinion is if they are ever going to be interested in you, they won't care what you have to say. I wish on a first date you could be yourself. Even if you try, you always catch yourself saying or doing something just to impress, even if later you feel stupid for it.

Second dates are always easier. Always. It means you made it past the approval stage and into the possibility zone. You won the first date over and now you can get past the awkward moments.

BUT, what if you went on a first date that felt like your second, or even your third, or 100!? What happens then? These dates are the ones we all wish for. The ones that make us agree to dates in the first place. We all hope for the date where we are comfortable and not nervous, where we can say what we are really thinking and not worry it was the wrong thing. These are the ones that leave you smiling hours after they are over. The perfect date. No matter where it may be.

I have just experienced the latter. I don't even know where to begin on how absolutely wonderful it was. So I will just say that I am no longer someone who will dread a first date.

Weight Loss

I have been experiencing some serious body changes since I began college. I graduated high school wearing a size 9 jean and weighing around 150 lbs. I was comfortable, I'm 5'7" and never thought of myself as fat or thin or anything really. I liked the way I was and nobody could say anything to change that. However, I started my freshman year of college with the fear of gaining the freshman 15! Everyone has that fear but I was okay with what would happen and just joked about it. My first year came with many new changes. The biggest shock wasn't leaving my parents and living on my own, but the classes and the course work. I took o.chem. the very first semester and struggled terribly. I learned quickly how to study and how to use the library's resources. The stress that I experienced that first semester took a toll on my body. I lost weight instead of gained. I found myself eating the same amount of food but due to the walking and the fast paced atmosphere not gaining a thing. I wasn't upset about this, I enjoyed not getting 15 lbs heavier, but I started to notice a slight change in the way my pants fit me. They were baggier, but I thought nothing of it because I couldn't see a physical change. My close friends couldn't either, and thought it was just the dryer stretching them out. I wasn't worried. The first time someone showed an interest in my weight was when I went home for Thanksgiving break. I saw family that I hadn't seen since the summer and their first remarks were on how thin I looked. I started to notice from this point on. I came back home for Christmas break, this time I went the doctor and found out my weight. I weighed 137 lbs. I had lost 13 lbs since the summer. That doesn't seem unusual when you look at the time frame. It averages out to about 3 lbs a month, less than 1 lb a week. But, for me it wasn't normal. I wasn't trying to lose weight and it scared me. I liked my weight and I hated to lose my comfort zone. I dropped two pants sizes too, I went down to a 6. I got compliments on how great I looked from everyone, but I was always wary of it. I started to notice every change my body took. Every inch of skin was known and watched. I noticed that even though through the next semester I stayed the same weight, I was losing inches. My second semester in school, I dropped from a 6 to a 4, while I remained 137. During the summer I still carried the same weight around and I was just getting comfortable again when I noticed my pants were getting loose. I thought nothing of it, however, because it wasn't too noticeable. I started my second year of college. I was in school for two weeks before I realized I was losing more weight. I couldn't figure it out. I went home for Christmas break and scheduled a doctor's appointment. When they weighed me, I found that I had lost 6 lbs and now weighed 131. I asked about the weight loss but was told that sometimes it happens, and that since it wasn't an unhealthy loss I was fine. I went back to school for the next semester, I had gotten new jeans that actually fit so that I wouldn't have to hold them as I walked. By February those jeans no longer fit, and I was unable to control them. I walked around campus looking like one of those boys that wore pants below the waist. It was horrible. I was asked to help out with an athletic training project, I had to weigh myself and then do an exercise. I weighed 128 lbs. I somehow lost 3 lbs in a little under 2 months. It wasn't good. I complained about my weight loss, but nobody seemed to care. Everyone thought I was just looking for the compliments and they didn't realize I was scared. I didn't like being told how thin I was or how skinny I looked. I went home for Spring break and told my mom how I felt about it. I told her I felt gross, I looked like one of those starving children ads. She told me to stop thinking about it and to not obsess over weight. My grandmother took me shopping for clothes and I knew I was a size smaller, so I grabbed a size 2 and went to the dressing room. They were too big. I am now a size 0 and have no idea how I got here. My mom watches me eat, thinking it's because I don't. She constantly comments on how I look. I am no longer that confident girl who doesn't care about her weight. I am a girl who counts calories and then when realizing I haven't eaten enough, I go eat more. I hate this. I really wish I knew how I lost it and how to get some of it back. The good news is that I can't get any smaller, a size 0 is the smallest size made. In less than two years I have lost a total of 22 lbs and 4 pants sizes. I not only didn't gain the freshman 15 but lost weight I didn't have.

Spring Break

I really got busy there for awhile. February was a very interesting month for me. I spent Valentine's Day at home with two of the greatest friends...we went to tech and just enjoyed the days! school got hectic and has yet to ease up.

My great escape is that starting tomorrow at 3:40pm is SPRING BREAK!!! I am so excited and cannot wait. The week after spring break is my birthday and it just can't get any better.

Right now I am getting sick and stressing over two tests and a paper intro tomorrow. I failed the first physics test miserably and now I am worried the second will be just as bad!

This isn't much of an update but at least its better than nothing.

Stress

My semester has begun. I have yet to have a real test but I am feeling every bit of stressed out. My classes arent too bad but the work that goes along with them is killer. I am constantly working on some form of homework and I am always doing something school related. I have no developed a sleeping problem and for awhile an eating problem. The latter something I worked on to fix...because we all know I dont need an eating problem. I go to bed early some nights but end up waking about 5 times a night. The nights where I go to bed really late are the nights when I get up really early. I drink extra coffee to keep me awake during the day but then I stay up longer at night. It's a viscous cycle. But I will recover eventually. 

I just hope that the stress goes away soon. I dont see that happening though due to three killer tests coming up. But you never know. 

OBAMA!

Yesterday, 1/20/09, at 12 noon the nation welcomed a new president. Every four years we are used to getting something different, something new, but this year we welcomed change and progress and history. This was the year that the first African-American was elected president. We welcomed him the day following Martin Luther King Jr.'s remembrance. Obama promises change, advancement, and security. He also values unity and is striving to bring all different people together. Whether or not he will succeed will depend on every person in the U.S. He cannot do it alone and we must all come together to better our nation. He is faced with much opposition and hate. Those that do not want him as their president will do what it takes to make sure he doesnt succeed, but they will not be hurting just one person, they will be hurting themselves. The people of this country do not have to like their president, many did not care for Bush, but they do have to support the man in office. I hope the Obama can carry out all of his promises, for he could better the world, but I hope that we do not let his skin get in the way of our judgement. And if he fails, it is not because he is black, it will be because he was not trusted. 

I support our new Commander in Chief, and I will do my part to help. 

Ravens!

okay so I'm going to start off this blog by stating.....

I am a Ravens fan. I am watching the Ravens lose to the Steelers at the moment. And I am going crazy watching this game. 

But....

I have an extreme amount of faith in my team and I know they will try their best to turn it around! 

I seriously underestimated their talent.....but I am still a supporter! :)