Spring Time

Well it is finally Spring. The weather is here...and everyone is beautiful! I have also discovered that due to medication, I have become extremely sun sensitive. I should not be allowed to be in it. Of course I found this out in a rather uncomfortable manor.

Anyway, my cousin Kristen is getting married this Saturday. I am extremely happy for her, and since I am the maid-of-honor, my only wish is that I don't fall down the aisle. That would be tragic and may ruin the mood of the day!

First Dates

I hate first dates. Always have. I just don't like going through the motions of trying to impress someone. I hate how they always start the same way; slow-moving, what is your favorite anything, awkward moments. Always. You always have to introduce yourself in a way that keeps them interested. My opinion is if they are ever going to be interested in you, they won't care what you have to say. I wish on a first date you could be yourself. Even if you try, you always catch yourself saying or doing something just to impress, even if later you feel stupid for it.

Second dates are always easier. Always. It means you made it past the approval stage and into the possibility zone. You won the first date over and now you can get past the awkward moments.

BUT, what if you went on a first date that felt like your second, or even your third, or 100!? What happens then? These dates are the ones we all wish for. The ones that make us agree to dates in the first place. We all hope for the date where we are comfortable and not nervous, where we can say what we are really thinking and not worry it was the wrong thing. These are the ones that leave you smiling hours after they are over. The perfect date. No matter where it may be.

I have just experienced the latter. I don't even know where to begin on how absolutely wonderful it was. So I will just say that I am no longer someone who will dread a first date.

Weight Loss

I have been experiencing some serious body changes since I began college. I graduated high school wearing a size 9 jean and weighing around 150 lbs. I was comfortable, I'm 5'7" and never thought of myself as fat or thin or anything really. I liked the way I was and nobody could say anything to change that. However, I started my freshman year of college with the fear of gaining the freshman 15! Everyone has that fear but I was okay with what would happen and just joked about it. My first year came with many new changes. The biggest shock wasn't leaving my parents and living on my own, but the classes and the course work. I took o.chem. the very first semester and struggled terribly. I learned quickly how to study and how to use the library's resources. The stress that I experienced that first semester took a toll on my body. I lost weight instead of gained. I found myself eating the same amount of food but due to the walking and the fast paced atmosphere not gaining a thing. I wasn't upset about this, I enjoyed not getting 15 lbs heavier, but I started to notice a slight change in the way my pants fit me. They were baggier, but I thought nothing of it because I couldn't see a physical change. My close friends couldn't either, and thought it was just the dryer stretching them out. I wasn't worried. The first time someone showed an interest in my weight was when I went home for Thanksgiving break. I saw family that I hadn't seen since the summer and their first remarks were on how thin I looked. I started to notice from this point on. I came back home for Christmas break, this time I went the doctor and found out my weight. I weighed 137 lbs. I had lost 13 lbs since the summer. That doesn't seem unusual when you look at the time frame. It averages out to about 3 lbs a month, less than 1 lb a week. But, for me it wasn't normal. I wasn't trying to lose weight and it scared me. I liked my weight and I hated to lose my comfort zone. I dropped two pants sizes too, I went down to a 6. I got compliments on how great I looked from everyone, but I was always wary of it. I started to notice every change my body took. Every inch of skin was known and watched. I noticed that even though through the next semester I stayed the same weight, I was losing inches. My second semester in school, I dropped from a 6 to a 4, while I remained 137. During the summer I still carried the same weight around and I was just getting comfortable again when I noticed my pants were getting loose. I thought nothing of it, however, because it wasn't too noticeable. I started my second year of college. I was in school for two weeks before I realized I was losing more weight. I couldn't figure it out. I went home for Christmas break and scheduled a doctor's appointment. When they weighed me, I found that I had lost 6 lbs and now weighed 131. I asked about the weight loss but was told that sometimes it happens, and that since it wasn't an unhealthy loss I was fine. I went back to school for the next semester, I had gotten new jeans that actually fit so that I wouldn't have to hold them as I walked. By February those jeans no longer fit, and I was unable to control them. I walked around campus looking like one of those boys that wore pants below the waist. It was horrible. I was asked to help out with an athletic training project, I had to weigh myself and then do an exercise. I weighed 128 lbs. I somehow lost 3 lbs in a little under 2 months. It wasn't good. I complained about my weight loss, but nobody seemed to care. Everyone thought I was just looking for the compliments and they didn't realize I was scared. I didn't like being told how thin I was or how skinny I looked. I went home for Spring break and told my mom how I felt about it. I told her I felt gross, I looked like one of those starving children ads. She told me to stop thinking about it and to not obsess over weight. My grandmother took me shopping for clothes and I knew I was a size smaller, so I grabbed a size 2 and went to the dressing room. They were too big. I am now a size 0 and have no idea how I got here. My mom watches me eat, thinking it's because I don't. She constantly comments on how I look. I am no longer that confident girl who doesn't care about her weight. I am a girl who counts calories and then when realizing I haven't eaten enough, I go eat more. I hate this. I really wish I knew how I lost it and how to get some of it back. The good news is that I can't get any smaller, a size 0 is the smallest size made. In less than two years I have lost a total of 22 lbs and 4 pants sizes. I not only didn't gain the freshman 15 but lost weight I didn't have.

Spring Break

I really got busy there for awhile. February was a very interesting month for me. I spent Valentine's Day at home with two of the greatest friends...we went to tech and just enjoyed the days! school got hectic and has yet to ease up.

My great escape is that starting tomorrow at 3:40pm is SPRING BREAK!!! I am so excited and cannot wait. The week after spring break is my birthday and it just can't get any better.

Right now I am getting sick and stressing over two tests and a paper intro tomorrow. I failed the first physics test miserably and now I am worried the second will be just as bad!

This isn't much of an update but at least its better than nothing.