Only the Beginning...

2010-10-26T08:27:00.007-04:00

It is the week before Halloween. Enough said you all know how I feel about this stupendous holiday. My decorations will be said when they have to go back, but right now they glow with all the intensity in the world.

My plans for this week start on Thursday:

Thursday - Rocky Horror Picture Show in the Marvin Center.

Fully involved with all the drama and drag queens!

Friday - The AFSS Halloween Party

Still on the fence on whether or not I will actually attend

Saturday - The Rally, Embassy Row and The Ballroom

The Rally for obvious reasons. I cant wait.

Embassy Row for some trick-or-treating

The Ballroom for a good, old-fashioned costume party.

Sunday - Still unsure but I think recovery?

How does my schedule sound. Brilliant I think. Saturday is my biggest obstacle. How can I be at The Ballroom by 6pm, but then be at Embassy Row by nightfall? Ill figure it out.

Horizon

2010-10-10T22:17:00.004-04:00

Well, it has been a little over three weeks since the "episode" and I must say I am doing much better. I can finally see the clutter in my room and am slowly removing it from my life. I no longer jump when I hear a strange sound, which is delightful (esp in a dorm-ish building).

I will still admit that I'm not 100% but even I have to say three weeks isn't a long time. Most people never get over it, but I am moving on and up. I will not let this effect me forever, there is no use crying about it.

My floor is almost clean, my dishes dont take up the room, my laundry will be put away tomorrow, and my bed will be made each day. These are such little things that one never thinks about, until you really dont think about it. When you are embarrassed to invite friends over because you live in a "frat house". No more. My shelter is clean. I no longer need the haven.

Okay, maybe I do, but I will make one in my mind and not in my room. Deal. I mean I have started writing in my journal again. Big step. I am half-way done with that day. Three weeks ago...

On the brightside: TCM is having a Tony Curtis (RIP) marathon. What a great way to end a weekend. And I went to see my aunt and nana on Saturday. Great relief.

Until next time....which will be sooner than the last...

2010-09-21T16:57:00.002-04:00

Have you ever had one of those moments when everything you believe in crashes around you? I have.

This won't make much sense to most of you. But I have had one of the worst experiences in my life. I wont go into details about it. Just know that it was life-changing. It also is something that makes my life a little difficult right now.

I have always been great at hiding extreme emotion. Only a handful of people have actually seen me cry. I have been called heartless for not feeling the way one should in certain situations. But trust me. I have felt every single emotion. I just never show it. Why you may ask?

That is simple. I dont want to ever show weakness. I cry. A lot. But you will never know that.

Back to my problem. I have always questioned the bigger scheme of things. For instance do things really happen for a reason? Is there always a bright side? I would like to believe that bad things dont happen to good people for no reason. But right now I cant help but question it all. How could something like that be good?

Karma. She has always been my reason for waking. For doing anything. If you mess with Karma she will kick you back harder. Where is she now? Why would she desert me?

I know you are probably reading this wondering what on Earth could bring me to this. And I wont tell you. So dont ask. I still havent quite dealt with it myself. Today is a beautiful day. Perfect weather. My favorite. And I woke up feeling better than I have the past couple days. But all in one moment it crashed. I went reverted back. Except I am more upset at this moment than I was afterwards. Why? Is it just hitting me? Just setting in? Am I finally realizing what happened? Maybe. Or maybe I am just now questioning the Why me?

I dont really expect an answer. I guess I just needed to put the question out there. My whole world has been tipped. Without the belief that when someone falls, someone else stands, I would never make it out of bed. Because as much as I've fallen, as far as I've fallen, I need to believe that I will eventually stand again. Am I silly for hoping? I hope not.

My life according to me...

2010-09-04T12:16:00.002-04:00

I've been thinking about things lately. Not because I am sentimental, but because I have had the timed. One of my friends tried to set me up with a guy recently. And whereas I appreciate the effort, I'm not ready. Not because I am caught up on some emotional rollercoaster over someone else, but because I don't know myself yet.

I realize that that sounds melodramatic. So let me explain. In high school I knew who I was. I was the nice, semi-shy, innocent girl who would do absolutely anything for you and not worry about what I got in return. I was naive. I never said no. I just couldn't. Let's just say there were points in that time where my friends took advantage. And yet I didn't do anything about it. Why would I? I was a good friend and thought that was just how it should be. I wasn't necessarily stupid, but I was uneducated. At least I knew who I was. And I liked me.

Then college happened. I was still under the impression that I didn't change. But I did. I became someone different. Not in a bad way, but in the way everyone does. I grew up. I realized that who I was in high school would never be who I was ever again. With this change came insecurity. Where I never doubted myself before, I constantly did now. I changed in more ways than one and everyone's reaction to those changes effected me. I often told myself that eventually things would level out. And of course they did. Just not when I needed them to. My world was flipped upside down in college. And by my second year I changed yet again. The person I became when I first entered vanished under my new skin. For the better. I stopped caring. About everything. I focused on my school work. I no longer wondered what people were thinking. I didn't want to hear about anything. I wanted to pass unnoticed in a crowd of people. That didn't happen. My new tougher exterior seemed to draw people to me. Everyone wanted something. I dated more in those few months than ever before. I guess it was a testament to how I really was no longer that shy little naive girl. I hurt people. Unintentionally. Nevertheless they got hurt. Not something I would ever want. I realized I had to yet again evaluate my life. This person wasn't me either. So who was I?

People who have never been through these changes, don't understand. They are the ones thinking I'm just being ridiculous. But those few who have actually experienced something literally life changing, would never call me ridiculous. They would sympathize. My life isn't terrible, and I don't want anyone to think I'm complaining. I'm not. Just explaining.

My last year in school I went on sabbatical. Not from life, but from love. You can't fully appreciate someone until you can appreciate yourself. I heard that somewhere. It's truer than any other saying out there. I didn't appreciate myself. Not even close. So I didn't date. I never even looked. If someone liked me, I never saw it. It was a great year. Full of surprises and disappointments. But no one got hurt. Ever. I was still the same tough person from the year before. No bullshit. No stupidity. But nobody hated me. Or at least I never saw it. I told the truth whether you wanted to hear it or not. Even if people don't appreciate that they respect it. Even those who faced the blunt side of me on a regular basis respected me. I found me. Sort of. Still, I wasn't ready to bring someone else into the equation. I like being able to do my own thing. Not having to work around someone else's schedule. Not having to say where I'm going or what I'm doing. No worries. Yes, there are times when having someone is a great thing. But not yet.

So the end of school came and went. I moved to a big city where if you can't find yourself there, you never will. I have a group of excellent people already. We have only known each other for a little over one week. I haven't gone on a date in over a year. I'm not looking. Not yet. The way I figure it is, if I'm not looking, I'll find it. Someone else probably said that once, but it relates. Newton wasn't looking for gravity until it hit him on the head. And look at what his life became. So in regards to my friend trying to set me up. Not until I know who I am. I'm close. I can feel it. I won't settle for the mundane. Why should I? I want the spectacular. The saying "shoot for the stars because even if you miss you'll land among the stars" is a bunch of bull. If I'm shooting for the moon and land among the stars, I failed somewhere and need to try harder.

I could be the sentimentalist and wish for simpler times. Like in high school, when I was certain. But then again. I wasn't the happy me that I am now. Why wish for simple when you can have complicated. Where you never know what the day will bring.

Okay, enough with my inner thoughts. If you made it this far than I'm sure you think I'm crazy. But you know what? I don't care. And I appreciate your loyalty in putting up with such an interesting personality. If you relate, great; if not, than lucky you.

Until next time...

Will someone do my dishes?

2010-08-25T19:02:00.002-04:00

The only downfall with living in a single non-kitchen room is the lack of a dishwasher and the lack of big sinks. This means that all of my dishes pile up quickly. I have to do dishes twice a day to keep them under control and I refuse to do such a thing. I hate dishes. Everything about them. If I didnt believe in the environment, I would use disposable plates. Seriously. I would. But, no I have a conscience and could not do that to the world around me.

So I guess I will just have to start doing my dishes. Ugh. I really wish I were rich enough to hire someone to do them for me. Not a maid. I can clean my own house, just a dishwasher(not the machine that still requires me). I know many people think it is weird not to like something so easy. Ask my parents, I have cleaned the entire house including the bathroom, just to get out of dish duty. This is serious business.

I have fallen in LOVE with Georgetown...

2010-08-24T14:54:00.001-04:00

...enough said. That is all.

The Weekend

2010-08-20T13:28:00.002-04:00

I have decided to go to Maryland for the weekend. It's not that I'm bored here in the city, because there is no way of that, but my aunt seemed to really want me to say yes. Especially, when my grandmother called to ask if I would come and then proceeded to hand the phone off so I could say yes. It doesnt get more obvious than that.

It also happens to be my first trip on the metro...alone. Now this will provide a ton of stories Im sure.

2010-08-17T21:22:00.000-04:00

My mother told me to write down everything from my first days in the city. I've tried to only post the important details. I dont want to bore anyone with my mundane life. However, I realize that was is important to me, may in fact be boring to all of you. So I do apologize for that and ask forgiveness for the following post.

Saturday was my first night as most of you know. I didnt do anything but unpack and reheat leftover chinese food for dinner. I even found time to sit by my window and read and observe all of the sites that are so convenient to see. I ended up going to bed extremely early due to an extreme case of exhaustion. Moving takes a lot out of a person.

Sunday I woke up extremely early. I had my alarm set for 9am but I didnt pay attention to the fact that the city woke up at 6am all on its own. So by the time my parents called to say they were on their way, I had already had my cup of coffee and had a shower. I ended up waiting forever for them to get here simply because my phone apparently wouldnt receive their phone calls. This made them angry (they thought I purposefully ignored them). By 11am they were here and I was making the final touches to my room. We grabbed lunch at The Dubliner, a cute little pub near Union Station. After lunch we went to the Mount Vernon Campus. My father felt the need to grant me permission to attend classes there. So once he was satisfied he brought me back to my apt where we then left to go stock up on groceries. My mother insisted on going before they left, she wanted to buy my first load, so I wouldnt run out of money. Before my parents left to head home, my mom made me promise to call her everyday for a while (until she got used to me being gone). Of course, she never acted that way when I went to Longwood, not even my first year, but I guess a big city will do that to some people. That night I was so sore that I did some yoga (see below post for info).

Monday was my first official day alone. I woke up early (again), after completing some AM yoga I drank my coffee and got ready for a day of exploration. The first thing I did was find the nearest BB&T. It was a decent walk but doable. Once I found that I headed back passing a metro station (so if I didnt want to walk I could just hop on that). I entered campus on the opposite side of where I live and found a cute little cafe, Uptown Cafe, which had a salad bar that sold by the pound. I bought some pasta salad for lunch and carried it back to my apt. Before that I sat on a bench in a quaint court. I'm not sure of its name, though I'm sure I will find out. I just sat and watched people for maybe a half hour before I decided to head back. It was only 11:30am but was already in the 90s. When I got back I ate my lunch and cooled off for awhile. Around 1:30pm I got a little stir crazy. It was so pretty outside that I knew I shouldnt just sit indoors all day. I decided to see how long the walk to Georgetown was. It took me about 15min, so not too terrible. I passed various shops that indicated the type of people at Georgetown, lets just say it is a bigger version of Hampden Sydney, and maybe richer. I also found one of the biggest Barnes&Nobles ever. Three stories high. Doesnt sound like much, but I would walk to it everyday. The Starbucks is on the 2nd floor. I bought a smoothie simply because I had walked in the heat, so I was a little parched. I was blown away by the place. I will admit I was in shock at first when I saw that the escalator went up another floor. After about an hour I left reluctantly. I walked back to my apt where I felt satisfied with the day so I just stayed in the rest of the night. It was also my first night cooking in the community kitchen. I cant say I really liked it. But you do with what you have. Luckily most of what I fix can be done in my room and I only need to go in there when I need the stove or to wash dishes (my second sink it's quite deep enough and I refuse to wash them in the tub). I ended up in bed early again. I blame the heat.

Tuesday I fought the noise, the light, and everything else and stayed in bed until 8:30am. I know I'm a late sleeper. I did some morning yoga to stretch out my stiff joints. I drank my coffee and ate a bowl of cereal. Then I did my usual Facebook, Email, Financial Aid checks. That's when I decided that the Financial Aid office was going to get another little visit from me. So I got ready and had some lunch before I left (I would need my strength). Let's just say I dont like them. Not one straight answer. Oh well, they cant get rid of me, at least not that easy. Then I went upstairs and bought a lanyard to hold my ID (Im sick of having to keep finding it). Once that was taken care of I went back to that same little court and sat and read. It was great, just the right amount of shade. Once the place started getting crowded I decided to leave, that was maybe an hour later. As I was walking back, this lady and her daughter/granddaughter? stopped me to ask me directions to a building on campus. Now I must remind you all that I have only been out twice, but it still pleases me to know I dont look lost or new. Luckily, I knew where they were talking about and how to get there. Before going back to my room I decided to walk up to Trader Joes. Now for a reference point, you have to walk up past the road that goes to Georgetown to get there. One block more to be exact, so not bad. I didnt grab a cart when I went in because I really wasnt planning on shopping. I just went in to look at their wine and grab some cherries. That's when I remembered that I was planning on having spaghetti tonight and I didnt have meat. So of course I had to grab some of that, then I past some amazing looking French Rolls. I grabbed those too, or at least the man in front of me did, since I had my hands full of deliciousness. Anyone who knows me knows how I feel about carbs. I cant stay away. So when I tell you those rolls are phenomenal you may not believe me (since I love food so much), but let me just say that I am willing to walk there everyday for one roll. Luckily I remembered to bring my rolled up bag with me. I love that the city charges $0.05 for a bag, but hate it when I get stuck on that end of the bargain. Trader Joes credited me $0.05 for having my own, so it was an even bigger plus. When I eventually made it back home around 2pm I had a bowl of fruit (cherries and oranges), a glass of water, and of course one of the rolls. Yummy. I then spent the rest of my afternoon reading by the window, that way I felt outside while really being in the air conditioning. It makes me feel better about being inside while everyone else is working. Around 4:30pm I did some more yoga (my legs were sore from walking, I am so out of shape). I hope yoga helps with my tight muscles, but I must admit that since I am so out of shape, I'm not that great at all of the stretches. Then I prepared my delicious Italian meal. Spaghetti (elbow noodles) with ground beef (organic lean), onions, and red pepper spaghetti sauce. Oh and a roll, accompanied with a glass of Joseph Handler Sweet Red wine (German). The wine was difficult to open. I had to put a lot of elbow grease into it, since the stupid cork screw was worthless. Otherwise, it was a very sweet semi dry wine. It was a blend of raspberry and plum. Went extremely well with the pasta and bread.

Tomorrow I will need to go back to Georgetown. I've already finished the book I bought there yesterday. Maybe I should stop reading, it really is putting a damper on my finances.

Me? A Yogi?

2010-08-16T14:36:00.002-04:00

After moving all of my stuff into my new room and unpacking all of the boxes and bags, my body retaliated. Every muscle in every limb hurt to move. I know that means I did something wrong in the moving process but I dont care, they still hurt. So I decided to do something about it.

I recently read Eat, Pray, Love and the way yoga was described and how it made her feel actually made me want to try it. After the tension in my shoulders wouldnt let me relax I decided to. I did an internet search online to find some stretched for shoulders and lower back. I downloaded the six videos from my iTunes and tried the PM video for relaxation before bed.

AMAZING! My entire body felt relaxed and loose. My shoulders still held some of the pain from the days before but they felt 100 times better. I was actually able to lay down and go to sleep. Pain free.

When I woke up I did the stretches from the AM video, which was supposed to wake your body up and loosen the joints. Again I felt fantastic.

Day 1 of DC exploration:

Started by walking six blocks down and three blocks up to find the nearest bank (BB&T). Not so bad. I ended that journey by stopping by Uptown Cafe and grabbing lunch. I then walked back to my apt and spent a few hours resting and cooling off.

After being fully recovered from the previous adventure, I decided to see exactly how far away Georgetown was. Driving there isnt so bad, but walking? Really not that bad. To get there I walked five blocks up and five blocks over. I ended up in front of a huge Barnes and Nobles and figured it was the perfect place to rest. I bought a delicious raspberry smoothie and rested for about 20 minutes. I ended up passing a yoga stand and decided to buy a mat. While looking at them I found a beginners kit and settled for that (it included a mat, block, strap, and DVD). I also ended up buying yet another book (how could I not?). When asked if I needed a bag I replied yes, why should I carry the big box all the way back to the apt, I was charged five cents for a bag that wasnt big enough so I ended up carrying it anyway!

So I guess I am a Yogi. Well almost. It's not like Im taking classes or anything. Maybe once my flexibility is where I want it to be.

All settled in the big city

2010-08-15T16:22:00.002-04:00

I am finally moved-in. Completely moved-in. All of my clothes are put away, groceries purchased, electronics set up. Done.

I must say it is a great feeling. Im on my own again, except this time I have no one to turn to just yet. I know where the movie theaters are (even the free old films in the city), the best places to eat, and I have all of the passes I need to get around.

Im set and ready to go. Two weeks from now I will be in classes studying my booty off. Until then Im going to enjoy having something to do!

Worst day in a long time!

2010-08-12T17:07:00.002-04:00

Today has been the worst day in the history of August days in 2010.

This morning around 7:30am my cat started meowing. I paid no attention like always. BUT THEN. I noticed she had jumped up onto my bed (I usually dont let her sleep with me) and she proceeded to PEE on me (hence why she doesnt sleep with me).

Not a good way to start a morning. So I stripped my bed, and changed my clothes (mom was in shower), grabbed my cup of coffee and that's when I knew that it was going to be one of those days.

Around 9am I got ready to go to Walmart, the bank, and anywhere else I needed to go. I got to my car and turned the key....NOTHING HAPPENED...my battery had died. When this happened I dont know. I hadnt used my car since Monday, so who knows how long it had been that way.

One thing I did notice about my car was that the drivers door was partially open, as though it hadnt quite gotten closed. So I figured that the light had stayed on and drained the battery. I called my Dad and told him to come jump-start my car but I had to wait until 11:30am. Great.

When he finally got here, we couldnt push my car down the drive-way so he had to maneuver his to the front of mine (not good for the neighbor's flowers). Well, jump-starting didnt work. My car still wouldnt start. Luckily my neighbor had a battery charger and I was able to get that hooked up. Unfortunately, it had to sit for two hours.

So I took my Dad's car on my errands and when I got back my car would actually run. Of course that couldnt be the end of it. Apparently, my silent security alarm was going off, that is what drained the battery, not the open door.

What caused my silent security alarm to go off you may ask? Oh Ill tell you. The alarm would only go off if the car was forced open. LIGHT BULB. My door was partially open (remember!).

SOMEONE TRIED TO STEAL MY CAR!!!!

Oh if that wasnt the icing on a perfectly good cow pie of a day. I simply thought it was my haphazard closing of a door, but nooooooo someone actually tried to break in. This is the same car that someone slashed a tire on.

Dear thief/tire slasher,

I get the message. You dont like me for whatever reason. Whatever it is I have done, please move on, it must have happened oh so long ago. I am so sorry for it, but could you do me a huge favor and LEAVE MY CAR ALONE.

Thank you so much,

Megan

So I wrap up this post with the hope that tomorrow is a MUCH better day. But until then...

Not quite there, but close.

2010-08-07T18:58:00.002-04:00

Today was the infamous move-in day that I've counted down to for months. It wasnt that spectacular, or at least not as I imagined. I still have one more week at home and the room isn't quite together yet, hopefully next weekend ties together the loose emotions.

Let me describe for you my future/present home.

The building looks small on the outside, it is cream in color and rather dull to look at. It is situated directly across from some of the most magnificent buildings I have really ever been near. They aren't architecturally great or anything just beautiful. The building was once an old hotel, so that explains the front door(or sliding doors). There is a round-about where you can be dropped off or drop off, etc. The sliding door opens automatically as you would expect, but the difference is in the second sliding door. You have to walk over to the far wall and swipe an ID card to allow access. All this while simultaneously stepping in front of the motion detector to open the door, if this isn't done in a matter of seconds you must repeat the process.

Inside is what you typically find in an old hotel. There is a concierge desk to the left and another on the right. There is a door before the second desk that leads to mailboxes(this is how you know it is no longer a hotel). The elevators are down the hall and around the corner(typical). There is a set of stairs that lead to the Mezzanine Level. On this lever there is a "study" lounge and a weight room. I don't think I will use either, though the idea is valid. To use the elevator or stairs for that matter you must swipe your card again and wait for the green light and then hit the "up" button. Why you must do this escapes me, I mean if you got into the building, you must belong there, and on the off chance that you don't, then you will just keep following the same person up the elevator (DUH!).

My room. It is located on the 3rd floor. There are signs on the wall after exiting the elevator that point in the direction of your room number(again a reminder of former hotel life). My room happens to be in the corner at the far left end of the building. This I don't mind, simply because it isn't going to experience a ton of traffic and it happens to be a little more private. Each room has a hotel "door knob" that has the option for swiping a card or using a key. No worries folks I have a key. When you open the door you are faced with a closet. Once inside you can look to your right and find a sink and then the bathroom door, where there is another sink. I really am confused by the two sinks but oh well right? Under the sink were two trash cans, which I came to understand as being for recycling. Anyone who knows me knows that I have finally found my home. The store across the street even charges for plastic bags! Now I know I'm in the right place. Back to the room, after the initial view of the bathroom you are drawn to the fact that there are two closets. Then the fridge. I take pride in this simply because it is not the baby fridge you get freshman year but an actual fridge. With ice. A grown-up fridge if you will. Now I happened to notice not all rooms had this same big fridge, so that makes it even more special. I also have two dressers, they are small and together would be one but I like the not-so-high-off-the-ground feel. Then there is a desk, of course, and this is also special to me. It is my first ever left-handed desk. That may not sound great to everyone, but to someone who is left-handed and has always had a desk for right-handed people, it is very special. You may be thinking "big deal, it's a left-handed desk, like that makes a difference" oh but it does. Instead of having to completely twist in my seat to write and use the computer I can simply stay in the same comfortable position for both. Next time you sit at your desk, notice how easy it is and then try to do it from a left-handed angle, you will soon understand. Okay, enough about the desk. My bed. Is a disappointment compared to the fridge and desk. It is a twin. Which I had all my life, but have recently gotten used to a full. Oh well, it is only for one year and I enjoy twins. Now the downfall to my room is that there are no chairs. At all. No place to sit, except for the bed. Now I am not sure why but I feel gypped. Also there is a cool balcony that I am not allowed to go out on. Safety reasons. And I get that, but I'm naturally a safe person and still feel short changed.

Well that is all I can say about my humble abode. I have posted pictures on Facebook of the plain Jane walls and atmosphere. No worries, I will post more when it is all said and done. I don't want in-between photos, just Before and After.

2010-08-06T13:16:00.003-04:00

Today is Friday, August 6th. That may not mean much to many of you, but it means that tomorrow is move-in day for me. I have packed my life away (most of it) and my car is stuffed to the brim and prepared for the long journey to Washington, DC tomorrow morning. I can check in around 8am so I believe we are trying to get there super early to beat the heat.

Im not staying there tomorrow, I have been talked into coming back home for another week. It's not too bad of a thing, I dont think Im as ready to leave as I keep making myself believe. I know that sounds weird but it's just the way it is.

So tomorrow is going to be a LONG day. I mean driving 4hrs, unloading the car, organizing the room, lunch?, dinner?, and then the journey home. Of course doing it again the next weekend wont exactly be fun either but I wont have to return.

Im sure Ill post pictures of my tiny room...so until then...

My Summer in a Nutshell

2010-07-24T20:38:00.002-04:00

Well so much for an uneventful summer and counting down to DC. Since May I have been to North Dakota, South Dakota, Wyoming, Montana, and Maryland (twice). Sounds busy. I have even been to Washington to visit and see where things are and will be returning this coming Wednesday.

So where to begin. Let's see...

The rest of May was consumed by the threat of life after graduation. The loans. The deadlines. Terrible things really. Dark places. Needless to say the school wasnt exactly helpful in those departments.

June started off rough given the previous month's adventures. But, the World Cup began and my life was taken over by sweaty foreign guys running around a big green field. I look forward to that every four years. In the middle of the month my family and I headed west. Mom and I followed Dad out there for one of his summer jobs. We started in North Dakota but had to cross the border for Wyoming and Montana just to say we had. We spent a few days in South Dakota trying to see as much as we possibly could. It was fun, even if we were all sick of nature(trees, fields, rocks) by the time we returned. All this while I watched/followed the World Cup like a religion. We ended up spending 10 days out there. Once we got back I resumed my position of not doing anything. Okay, only when I wasnt working on school requirements.

The beginning of July was spent trying to surprise my Dad for his birthday. We succeeded. That same week he left for Connecticut and I left for Maryland. Leaving Mom all alone (she enjoyed every second). I spent a week in Maryland returning the next Thursday. I drove my aunt up and had to bring her back. That Saturday my Mom and I left for Maryland (again). We spent a week at the beach where Dad joined us. We had to take our cat with us because she was sick and required medicine. Dad and I drove back once the week was over and my Mom drove to visit my Grandmother for a few days.

Of course, once I was finally back home I started to realize that I only had TWO weeks until I left for DC. And in that time I was going up there to get my ID and talk to financial aid (no loans went through! not a good sign). So really I only had a week.

I hate packing and have to actually repack my life for the fourth time since starting school. This should mean I am an expert, but unfortunately no. Each year requires new things and different things. This year I'm completely on my own. So I seem to need EVERYTHING.

Here's to new adventures. Hopefully, I wont neglect this for another two months. Until next time...

New beginnings

2010-05-11T23:02:00.002-04:00

Since the last time I blogged I have completed my last and final year at Longwood University and I have officially graduated. Now on to bigger and better things right? HA. So far my graduated self has done nothing but sit around on the couch and play personal assistant to the crippled father. Fun right? Wrong. Lowe's even denied my employment THREE times. So I am unemployable and absolutely bored. Welcome to adulthood. I guess a bright side is that in less than three months I will moving to the DC area and embarking on a rather unique adventure.

Until then...

2010-04-27T17:54:00.003-04:00

Three exams between me and the end of the year.

Four days between me and going home.

Ten days between me and graduation.

Where did this year go?

Why did it go so quickly?

2010-04-19T21:47:00.002-04:00

Today was my last Monday of my undergraduate career. Im really not sure how to handle the nerves. I couldnt finish my lunch due to the overwhelming thought. I just want to make it out of here and not notice I did it.

Tonight was my last Alpha Chi Sigma meeting EVER! That was really scary. I went to McDonalds to celebrate.

Im just scared.

Im on the tightrope of reality and the safety net has vanished and if I slip once Im done. (dont you love the analogy)

The truth is...

2010-04-11T11:39:00.004-04:00

My final Spring Weekend has officially ended. Im not sure how to feel about it, except that it's a little unnerving. I now only have two weeks until the last day and Im not ready for the future. Not ready at all. I dont look forward to packing up my stuff and leaving forever, or going home knowing I will soon be leaving it for good. The truth is that when May 8th comes around I will be a true adult and will soon be on my very own.

Everyone dreams of this as a child, the whole "I cant wait to be on my own" speech we all know so well. What we dont realize when we are young is all that that statement implies. Financially Im not ready, mentally Im not ready, physically Im not ready. Some people may say it will all work out in time and that I should just let it ride out, but Im a planner by nature and not being able to plan for now is painful. Ive had my life planned out for as long as I can remember, yeah sure some things have changed along the way (i.e. I didnt go to Roanoke College) but the ultimate goal has always been the same. I would graduate high school and go to college for chemistry, then I would get my graduate degree in Forensics, from there I will work in a lab somewhere and be perfectly happy. Well, the first two are done and the third is about to begin and Im not sure about the "getting a job somewhere" part. I could find myself living in California and so far from my family. That is where it gets scary. Im also scared about attending George Washington. It's in DC, and Ive never lived in a BIG city. I was born in Portsmouth moved to Salem and went to school in Farmville. Let's face it I love the mom-and-pop towns where everyone knows you. DC is not one of those places.

Oh well I guess. Live does take you through unexpected places. I guess I just need to sit back and enjoy the crazy ride.

Do you have thoughts?

2010-03-30T22:12:00.000-04:00

I feel as though society as a whole is losing their ability to have complete thoughts. Technology has advanced extremely to allow us contact with anyone at any time anywhere. It’s absolutely wonderful. But, Im seeing more and more how people abuse this. When talking on aim many simple respond “hehe” or “lol”. I hate one word responses. I feel as though it’s demeaning to the other person if you respond to their statement with one word. The same thing applies to text messages, “k” is a letter not an appropriate answer. Call me old fashioned, but the human race is going to advance in technology only to diminish in verbal capabilities and thought. We have become a nation full of texting, iming, blogging, etc…only we never really say anything. This is a problem I feel needs to be fixed. We wonder why the younger generations are ignorant and fear for our future, but we are to blame.

P.S.- sorry for the rant, it just gets old dealing with it everyday

2010-03-30T09:34:00.000-04:00

Every morning I wake up more tired than I was the night before, I turn off my alarm and I look out the window. It is the same routine everyday. I think it develops my mood for the day. When it is gross and rainy I never quite wake-up but when it is sunny and great I pop out of bed. Today and for the past couple days, it has been exceptional outside. The sun reflects off the buildings across from mine and shines in my window. The world outside looks happy and wonderful. All this at 9am. I usually make myself a cup of coffee, grab the book of the week, and sit by my window just enjoying the day. Now when life gets a bit crazy I find myself doing the same thing, but with homework on my lap. I believe it is a healthy start to any morning. I mean it could be much worse. I love seeing the kids around campus laying out on the lawn or sitting by the fountains. It's what attracted me to Longwood and it is still my favorite thing to see. I do, however, think it is much too cold still to be in a bathing suit (which happens too often and I think girls really should think before doing it).

I cant wait for the warm weather and the ability to wear a dress or shorts. I crave this. It may be wonderful outside of my window, but it is still graced with chilled wind and periodic shivers. Today is supposed to be in the 60's. This weekend it is supposed to be as high as 80. I cant wait. I may even take my camera and capture my surroundings.

What!?

2010-03-28T13:57:00.000-04:00

I have unexplainable bruises all over my body, my ankle is swollen and cut, and Im not sure why Im so sore…BUT…one of the best nights of my young adult life :)

Decisions. Decisions.

2010-03-23T17:08:00.000-04:00

I went to GWU this past Friday to walk around and get a feel for the environment. I also discovered that my program isnt on the main campus but the campus 10 minutes away from the main one, this was disappointing but hey what's 10 minutes right!?

Pluses to GWU: they recycle (yes I consider that)

their printers automatically print on both sides of the paper

they are supper friendly

they have a great facility

they have a specific program

oldest program in the nation (FBI asked them to start it!)

they have excellent connections (most the professors work in the field they teach)

Downfalls: expensive tuition/living

location

Now let's analyze Syracuse University

Pluses: they have a great location

they have relatively inexpensive living

they have a super friendly environment

Downfalls: they have a new program (3yrs)

they are located 10 hrs away

their program is less specific/more generic

their connections aren't as strong

So by the looks of it GWU has more advantages...now I guess I just have to make a final decision, stick with it, and call the loser...

Complicated

2010-03-14T11:21:00.000-04:00

Welp, things just got complicated.

I was just accepted in to George Washington's Forensic Chemistry program. I already sent in the intent form for Syracuse, but now Im not sure which program I should attend. GW has a better curriculum but Syracuse is a nicer place.

So the question is: Should I go with the program better suited for me, or go to the school that has a better environment?

Moving on out...

2010-03-10T21:09:00.000-05:00

This week has made me realize my parents and I cant be together for a week. At dinner tonight I was talking about how even though Syracuse has on-campus housing for grad students I want to live in an off-campus apt. Well the conversation was going smoothly until I said something and my dad told me to be quiet. Rule #1: I hate being told to relax and I really hate being sshed (sp?). SO of course I started in on how since I am an adult I deserve the same respect they would show any other person. My dad just couldnt let me say it without getting in his mood. Now we are all in separate rooms.

Did I mention that we happened to be in Olive Garden when this occurred. I am so happy to be home, I always feel so wanted.

It may be time to go back to school but I wonder if they are really prepared for me moving 10 hours away.

Oh I guess I forgot to mention, I got in to Syracuse University's Forensic Program!

2010-02-28T14:05:00.000-05:00

I miss old-fashioned letters. Love letters, business letters, any kind of letter.

I realize that e-mail is quicker but snail-mail is personal. A deeper connection than most realize.

I really do miss letters.

Youth is Wasted

2010-02-25T09:01:00.000-05:00

Whoever said "youth is wasted on the young" was a brilliant person. It's true. We are young, but what do we do with our youth!? We spend all of our time in school, inside a building, not out enjoying the gift of nature. In our youth we obsess over the future and what it has to offer, we never once stop and think about our present moment or the past regrets. Sometimes it is good to look ahead, however, other times it would be useful to just Be. By the time our future comes we wont even notice it because we will have another future to plan out and so on and so forth. When we are old and decrepit and there is no reason to plan for the future we will finally be allowed to think of the current situation. By that time it is too late. All of our energy will be gone, our desires to do anything, basically our youth. We will then spend the next phase of our lives regretting the past and all the wasted adventures. If only we all lived as Benjamin Button, a fictional character who got to experience the prime of his life only after he learned to appreciate it.

I am a lucky youth. My family has never been the type to let an opportunity slip by. We jump on planes in the blink of an eye for destinations we picked out of a hat. We dont plan moments, we just do them. Last summer we went to Ireland, we planned that trip in 3 days because our flight left in 5. Over Christmas break we went to Las Vegas simply because we could. This summer we are planning a trip, to Hawaii, for reasons unknown to me. I am always going to embrace the present, and will never let the future hinder me. Yes, I need to think more and more about my future, but I have faith it will work out no matter how I get there.

Youth will not be wasted on me.

2010-02-22T11:36:00.000-05:00

Today is February 22. To most this is just another ordinary day. To me it has no meaning, but as of today I only have 11 days until Spring Break. That doesnt seem like something to write about and in all honesty it isnt. But I must admit that I am rather sick of campus and everything that goes with it. Im stir-crazy. I need an escape. I must get away from this place before I am permanently put in an asylum somewhere. School is tough, but when you are always surrounded by it, it gets worse. Much worse. So I am happy for Monday, February 22, because I now only have 11 more days until freedom.

Dear Void,

2010-02-08T20:17:00.000-05:00

I'm stuck. The honest truth is I have so much I want to say, I just don't know how to start. It's suppose to be easy, you just sit and type and what comes out comes out. But it's not that simple. I started a blog to help ease my thoughts. To allow the words I can't say out loud to be free. Unfortunately I have come to find that when I can actually sit and talk about what it is that is bothering me, the words just don't jump onto the page. Instead I get a mess of phrases that make no sense when put together. This is a prime example of how I am unable to express myself.

I'm stressed. There is nothing else to say about that, it's true. I have no solution and I can't pin-point a single cause. It just is what it is. I lack the ability to cope. I always have. I used to sleep it off, or trudge through the muck. Now, I find it harder to keep going. The stresses of life have increased and they all come at the same moments. I have no time to sleep and not enough time to function. However, I realize that the time sitting here typing out my frustration, I could've accomplished one thing on my list. Would I then be any less stressed? The answer is simple. No. I would still have the weight of the world, or as it seems to me, on my shoulders. I would still be pulling my hair out trying to get things done. The difference, well that's easy, I would have kept it all bottled up inside of me instead of letting it out. At least this way it is out in the deep void.

I'm done. I'm done ranting about the meaningless problems in my life. I'm done obsessing over the past. I'm done trying to put on a good front. I'm done. Simply done. I know that there will come a day when I feel the need to waste my time and that of whoever may read this on another meaningless complaint, but until then I'm done. It may help me feel better about it, but it won't make it go away. I'm sick of caring, when others don't. I'm tired of giving my all and only getting a fraction of effort in return. It's exhausting and I'm over it.

Thank you for your attention,

The Mindless Blogger

Happy Groundhog's Day

2010-02-02T09:52:00.000-05:00

I havent updated my life in quite some time. Maybe it is because nothing ever happens in my life that is worth mentioning. And the only reason Im updating now is because I have a tiny bit of news. I have submitted all of my graduate applications and all I have left is to wait and see. Just wait and see. I have also purchased my graduation information and sent in my diploma request. It is quite nerve racking, but what can you do.

Alright so that is all that has happened in my meek existence. And when/if something else arises I will be more than happy to post it. Until then...

2010-01-18T22:22:00.000-05:00

I was watching a movie today and there was a line that went something like this : "you dont want love, you want love in a movie". It got me thinking and I have decided I want love in a movie.

My LAST first day...

2010-01-12T23:33:00.000-05:00

Today was like any first day, I was nervous yet excited to see everyone again. I made up my mind before I got back that I would make that extra effort to be nice to everyone. And yes it is going to be an effort. I'm honest, sometimes that means I'm mean. I also decided that I needed new faces. Not the same 10 people I see all the time and not necessarily new friends, but new faces. I've been with the same people for 3years now, it's time for a change. No such luck. My first class was full of the same people from last semester's linear algebra class, all math majors. My second class held hope, it's the senior seminar that every major takes, but again no such luck. My roommate is in it with me, which I love because I hate English. Sunshine, from freshman year, is also in there with us. It's nice because I never see him anymore, yet he isn't exactly new to me. The other 14 people in the class were all people I have had the "pleasure" of meeting before. Let's put it this way, I can't escape anyone on this campus. My third and final class of the day was never going to be an opportunity for new faces, it was yet another math class, and I already knew that half of the people in physics and calculus would be in it. Yep, there are 37 of us, and every single person has had at least 3 classes with me before now. My hope of new people is dead. My class tomorrow only has 10 people in it, and Ive been with them since freshman year. I have no chance of a new start. No new opportunities. Maybe it's a good thing Im leaving in May. Im guaranteed new people in grad. school. I just wish I could have one more chance at Longwood. The whole being nice thing may only last until Friday, but at least I'm trying. The ending to my day made me realize that I would never again be nervous at Longwood. That I would never again have to walk to a new class room and hope it was the right one. I will never have another first day. Sad yet exciting. I don't think I'm ready for my next step, but I know Im ready to move on. That may be a contradiction, but it's the honest truth.

Packing/Unpacking/Packing....Neverending

2010-01-06T20:17:00.000-05:00

Break is almost over. My last semester in undergrad will begin on Monday January 12. Im nervous, not gonna lie, but Im ready. I've worked harder than imaginable to get this far and I deserve the outcome. Im still working on my grad school applications, yes it has taken me a month, and I can honestly say I am almost done. Almost. I need my transcripts and few tweaked personal essays and then I can call it quits.

Right now I am recovering from jet-lag after returning from Las Vegas on Monday. Excuses Excuses. I still havent fully unpacked from that trip and I am expected to be packed to go back to school in less than 4 days. Just to unpack again, all in a span of one week. I dont really have anything to complain about, but it just takes soooooo long.

Well I guess next time I pack will be to move out of my apartment and into another one located near my grad school. Okay I dont want to think about that.

Graduate School Applications can DIE!

2009-12-22T15:29:00.000-05:00

I hate applications. Everything about them just drives me mad. The personal statements; the repetition on name, address, phone number; and the irritating need for transcripts. In the past school years of my life I have attended three, count them three, colleges. Yes I currently only attend Longwood University, but I took a class at Virginia Tech and did dual enrollment at Virginia Western. That may seem all fine a dandy, but just you wait. When you are applying to graduate school they need every detail. Every last one. In order for me to be considered I have to submit all three transcripts to all nine schools. That is 27 transcript requests and 27 transcript fees. It adds up. Especially if you add the nine application fees to it. It costs an arm and maybe 1/4 of a leg to even apply to school. And that gives no guarantee of actually being accepted. Oh the agony, the torture, the stress. So I will again state that graduate school applications can in fact DIE! I will be thrilled when I have turned them all in and said good riddance to them. At this point in time I dont even care if I get in, I just want the applications to be finished!

...Christmas Break...

2009-12-13T18:29:00.000-05:00

A well-deserved break from the normal college life. Something we all need to be able to go back and continue strenuous learning.

Currently I am going on my 3rd day of break. Today I did nothing but sit around and watch old films. I baked fruit leather and ordered pizza. It seems ideal but sitting alone on a rainy day is somewhat depressing. Yes, I enjoyed the silence of no expectation, but I also felt as though when I am older I wont like to be alone. It has its moments, I must say.

I still have 3 weeks left of my break. I feel as though once it gets exciting I will lose track of everything and the time will fly quickly. So let's just enjoy the lonesome rainy days baking away in the kitchen shall we...

FINAL-ly

2009-12-11T12:06:00.000-05:00

I have just finished my last Chemistry Final of my undergrad career. It was the same day that I realized I had just completed my final Fall Semester. It was a sad yet glorious day.

That is all.

The Library...

2009-12-08T23:50:00.001-05:00

This is a tale like no other. It begins in a small college town in the middle of nowhere. A young girl walks towards a giant building that threatens to consume her soul. Every light is on and through the looming windows she can see shadows of people that are no more. This threat is unlike one she has ever encountered. The thoughts of all she must endure are swimming around in her mind causing her much pain. As she walks through the doors that sense her presence, she catches sight of all those she once knew. She finds a spot in the midst of the familiar faces and slowing drifts off into a slumber. The sights and sounds around her are so strange and unusual. She cannot fully grasp the depth of them. There are conversations all around of things unimaginable to her mind. The faces of those closest to her are blank and distant. The eyes show no emotion. She is lost in the crowd. After many hours she doesnt even recognize herself. This nightmare seems to go on forever and never wants to end. This is the Library and this is Exam week.

?

2009-11-30T10:11:00.000-05:00

How can you look forward to something, yet dread it at the same time!?

The problem with Thanksgiving

2009-11-28T19:01:00.000-05:00

The break was much needed and much deserved. The drive home wasnt desirable but also wasnt bad. The weather could be nicer, but Mother Nature is very picky. The food was in excess and the bellies were very happy. Nobody can complain about Thanksgiving.

Unless you are me. Yes, I know, Thanksgiving is a wonderful holiday where people come together and celebrate the things most dear (family). Well, let's think back shall we...my family isnt normal. On a typical week we separate on Sundays just so we will be able to be together for the rest of the week. This may sound weird to most people, but once you know us you completely understand. My entire family is strong. By that I mean we all have our own identities and our own very intense personalities. This means that opinions and ideas may not mesh and neither side will back down.

Now that I have painted a beautiful picture for everyone, let me describe my holiday. We were invited to my aunt's house(on my mom's side) but you see this aunt had a falling out with my grandmother (safe to say we didnt go there). We ended up at my uncle's house (Dad's brother), this caused more issues. You see this is the side of my family that we never talk to. Why you may ask!? good question. Let me try and explain this. My dad's mother stopped talking to us 14yrs ago. Yeah I know. She refuses to be around us or anyone that associates with us. I've never really been clear on the reason, but let's just say I stopped caring. So my dad's brother started talking to us again when I was 18 (meaning he hadnt for 12yrs). The only reason he came around is because he was about to have a kid (doesnt seem fair huh?).

Okay, now that that's somewhat clear. When we arrived to our "family" gathering, we were told that one of my dad's uncles was going to be joining us. This was a good surprise. For like I said we never see anyone on that side. The drama then started. What drama!? well my dad's mother was staying with this particular uncle. So he had to tell her he was going out with a girlfriend of his (so she wouldnt join him). My uncle had to tell her that they werent going to be home (so she wouldnt stop by). At the end of the night, each one of them made up a story (so she wouldnt find out).

Maybe it's hard to comprehend but since this has been going on my whole life, I've become very sensitive to it. The first few times someone: didnt invite us, made other arrangements, or did something to hide the fact we were there, didnt bother me. Now it does. I know that seems backwards, but here is a great example: my great-grandfather's birthday party. They had a huge party for him with the whole family, but told us it was on a different day so that we wouldnt be there. Yeah, safe to say this really gets to me.

My holiday was less than par mainly because during a time for family, mine was lying about being with me.

My Superstition

2009-11-23T08:25:00.000-05:00

Horoscopes. Those pesky little "fortune tellers" that most of us read on a daily basis. Why do we do that? Is it to find some meaningful statement about the lives we dont understand? I'm really not so sure. I confess that I spend 5 minutes of my morning reading a horoscope. I never know what I'm going to find. I guess most days I just want it to tell me what I want to hear, like how life will be wonderful or my day will run smoothly. I realize that horoscopes can't determine how my life/day goes, but it makes me feel better to see that the cosmic universe as told to an unknown person isn't against me. However, with my daily intake of superstition there is a love horoscope. You know those Leo in the fourth moon crap that nobody really understands. Well, mine always says the same thing: Love is around the corner. Luckily whoever writes it puts it in a different format each day to hide the fact that it's the same, but come on I am in college. Now I realize that that is the safe way to ensure it is somewhat right. But, how can love be around the corner everday!? I mean eventually we would all be running in circles to find the one thing we all are really looking for. Now who looks stupid. I feel as though I will never understand why anyone reads horoscopes, including myself. I used to think it was because mine always seemed to be right, but "even a broken clock is right twice a day". I will probably continue to pollute my mind with silly anecdotes about a life I am not ready to fully appreciate. All the mysteries, secrets crevices, and exciting adventures that are still to come. One day I may be able to look at a horoscope and not have the expectation of a "fortune" being told. One day.

This will be...

2009-11-04T10:17:00.000-05:00

Let's start off with the fact that Calculus 3 is NOT easier than Calculus 2. Whoever told me that was so wrong on so many levels. I am currently not understanding anything going on, I believe being dropped in Spain with only a map would be better than this class.

There is this guy...I know I know....but see the thing about him is I didn't give him a chance last year...and now I wish I had. My loss I guess.

"This was not the way I planned..."

2009-11-02T08:20:00.001-05:00

It's a Katy Perry morning, in reference to the title.

SO I am all registered for my final semester in college...unusually sad day!

Other breaking news on my side: Mike has been shipped off.
He has been waiting for this for quite some time, but now that he is actually gone it's unreal. There was something keeping him here and I'm worried about him. Yesterday he was in Germany awaiting the plane that would take him to his final destination (hope not). As of this morning he was in Kuwait. He will always be in my thoughts. One of my best friends. :(

That is all. Just a sad week all around. X-mas music starting tomorrow (today is day of the dead, so I feel it's inappropriate to start today).

"Old Maid"

2009-10-28T10:35:00.000-04:00

As many of you know, I'm single. I like it that way...most days. I love that I can come and go as I please and I don't have someone adding more stress into my life. I don't have to make sure someone is happy, I just have to look after myself (which is a chore). On the other hand, it would be nice to have someone to comfort me in bad times. Someone who would be there for me through anything. I need that. This year is going downhill fast and there is no one to turn to. In times of stress I'm happy to be single. I've watched my roommate deal with it and I'm thankful it's not me. But in down times, when there is nothing else, I feel that void that a guy could fill.

I'm not saying I need a guy so I'm not bored. I'm saying it's always nice to have that special someone. Always. It's finding him that causes the problems.

I'm so stuck in my own world (Chemistry and classes) that I haven't had the opportunity to go out there and meet someone. I've decided it would be best to find someone who isn't in my bubble. Someone who doesn't understand the world of Chemistry. That would make it easier to relax. I know my standards seem high, but for my well-being I feel it's best. However, as nice as it sounds on paper, I will never get the chance to find him. I'm not being a debbie-downer, I'm being realistic. I only know science majors and I only talk to guys in my classes. I have no outside friends or acquaintances. It's sad but logical (when you spend 10hrs in the science building).

College is the typical time to find the person you are meant to be with. My college career is almost over. Yes, I am going to grad-school, but if I didn't have a life in undergrad why should I assume I'll have one in graduate. The statement is simple: I'm looking. That is all.

"When the sun goes down and the stars come out to play, that's where you'll find me..."

I survived!

2009-10-23T07:49:00.000-04:00

So I realize Friday isn't over yet. BUT. I survived. At 7:30pm last night I was finally done with all of my work. That doesn't sound too bad but it was also the first time I had been in my apartment and not in the science building in like 12 hrs. AH!

Now it's the weekend (almost) and I can't wait. Tonight I have no plans and I look forward to just watching movies. Saturday AXΣ is having a Halloween party (a week early bc then everyone comes)! So I am really excited about that one...I'm going to be a witch :)

Welp, I'm now off to my one and only class today!

2009-10-19T08:24:00.001-04:00

All I can say is that this week is going to be one hectic week...wish me luck!

Today I have class until 6 and then a meeting at 6
Tomorrow I have a midterm, pchem homework due, research, and an AXE event
Wednesday my portfolio is due, my proposal is due, Linear algebra exam, and Demo show practice
Thursday I have nothing due (yay!) but I have the Demo show to run...oh man
Friday is funday and I cant wait

Sickness

2009-10-06T21:17:00.000-04:00

So I have finally gotten what everyone on campus has. Go me. It started last Saturday with that pre-sickness achy feeling. Unfortunately I did nothing to prevent it. I spent all day Saturday outside yelling at people (Oktoberfest weekend..I was in charge of the booth). So when I lost my voice and started coughing I just thought it was from over-use. Oh was I wrong. Sunday I woke up with a fever of 100.3, which doesnt seem too bad but the temperature for the flu is usually around 100.4 and higher. Well ever since then I have had a fever off and on and I have been coughing so much my throat is raw and my abs are sore. I'm not even kidding, I WILL have a six pack by the time I recover. Well I have been stuffing myself with meds trying my best to get better. I don't want to go see a Dr. because I don't really trust them (dont ask me why..I just dont).

Many people won't come near me for fear I have swine flu. I'm almost positive I dont, but it's not like I've been tested yet. Wish me luck. If by Friday I am not better I will succumb to the evil that is Dr.

Why today is a good day...

2009-09-30T08:14:00.000-04:00

1) Was woken up by the song It's 5'oclock Somewhere
2) It's Pasta Bar Wednesday
3) New FREE Music this morning
4) Starbucks coffee

...and my day hasnt even begun...this is how i know today is going to be a great day...and i need one of those :)

NEWS ALERT!

2009-09-22T10:54:00.001-04:00

Some creepy stuff has been going on around Farmville lately. Taken straight from a Law and Order episode. It's so surreal.

Here's the story: Friday night I received a text message saying there had been a murder near campus. A professor's house was taped off and police were investigating. Saturday morning, we were all still waiting to hear details. Come to find out the suspect was armed and dangerous and on the run. Not something that makes you feel safe in such a small community.

Truth: Four bodies were found in various stages of decomposition on Friday. The bodies have yet to be identified due to the condition they were in when found. They were found in the house of Dr. Debra Kelley, a criminal justice professor who was on leave this semester. It was rumored that the suspect stole a car belonging to the professor's husband, they were separated. Their daughter hadn't been seen in a few days and a friend of hers was visiting. The parents of the friend are the ones that notified police when their daughter never came home. Police went to the house to check it out and they were told by a man that the girls had gone to a movie. The next day the police went back because the girl hadn't returned that night. That is when the bodies were found. The man that answered the door the day before was nowhere to be seen. His description was passed around. Richard Samuel Alden McCroskey III the man suspected of this brutal killing was found in the Richmond airport Saturday trying to fly to California, where he was from. His connection to the family and all involved was through the daughter. They met at a horrorcore event and he was coming to visit her. Unfortunately, the family wasn't aware of his true nature. He stayed in the house at least three days after he had killed them. The discovery was only made because the police who went to investigate could smell decomposed flesh outside of the house. His arraignment was yesterday and we all hope he is punished for this terrible crime.

This crime has shattered the Farmville community, where 6000 people (other than students) reside. Dr. Kelley will be truely missed among the students of Longwood University and all hearts go out to everyone involved.

http://www2.timesdispatch.com/rtd/news/local/crime/article/four_bodies_found_in_farmville_home/294109/

http://www.dailypress.com/news/virginia/dp-us--virginiakillings0921sep21,0,6855118.story

Spiders

2009-09-18T17:53:00.001-04:00

So as everyone knows (or should if you call yourself my friend) I am terrified (mild description) of spiders. Horrified may be a better term. Anyway, you know this to be true. So it may come as a shock to hear that I am also allergic to them. Oh yay, I now have a legit region to be scared. How did I find this out you may ask!?

Well, it all started the other night (Wednesday I believe it was). I woke up to a beautiful morning filled with classes. I took a shower and got dressed and nothing out of the ordinary appeared. As the day progressed I noticed that there was a bug bite on my thigh (I only noticed because it was itchy). So I thought what any other normal person would that there had been an encounter with a pesty mosquito. Oh boy was I wrong. That night as I was putting on my pj shorts I happened to glance at my leg. What I saw shocked and scared me a little. There on my thigh were three...yes three...bites. This shouldnt be alarming I know but these bites were unique in that they were all in a line down my leg. I showed this to my roomies who were also quite puzzled. Later on I noticed a similar bite on the calf of my right leg (opposite to the previous bites). This made me a little more put off due to the fact that I hadnt noticed them earlier.

I continued to believe they were just mosquito bites and that I was just an unfortunate blood donor. BUT, the next day arrived. I woke up as I usually do and got ready for class. I noticed the bites were a bit bigger but not all that bad. During the day the itchy became unbelievable but still not alarming. I did however make a mental note about being able to feel the bumps on my thigh through my jeans and how they were emitting heat (through the jeans). Well, much to my surprise when I got home that night and put on my pj shorts and sat down to do some homework, I just happened to glance down at my leg. The bumps were no longer common mosquito bites but had infact grown to the size of a tennis ball (in roundness) and were quite swollen. I officially freaked out. One of my friends who had come over noticed them and started saying they looked like spider bites. Not something pleasant for me to hear.

Needless to say, I called my mom, who was immediately worried (I had told her about the bumps originally). I sent her a picture of my wonderful leg but before I could get her oppinion there was a fire drill in my building (not really part of the story but stay with me). While standing outside and missing the premiere of the Office, this girl standing behind me happened to look down. She then proceeded to tell me that I should go to a doctor ASAP. I thanked her and then thought to myself "way to make me feel good". Anyway, on my way back to the room, a girl on the stairs behind me also said "ew that girl should see a doctor" this being said also made me feel great.

No worries I did see a doctor. That night my mom made me go to the local ER and have someone look at my leg. I made my roomie go with me because lets face it, ERs are creepy. Before I registered a nurse came to see what was wrong with me and if I had a legit reason for being there. She looked at my leg and said something no nurse should EVER say. "oh my that doesnt look so good". I believe this made me feel even better about what I thought were simple mosquito bites but was now questioning. So I was called back into a room where I sat for what seemed like forever. A nurse practitioner finally came to look at my problem and told me flat out that what I had was a group of spiders that had attacked me. Okay lets see how well you paid attention. A GROUP of spiders. Yes my own nightmare coming true. She said that the reaction I was having to the bites showed a mild allergy to this particular friend of mine but that the next time I get bitten the reaction will most likely be worse. Now I realize that this statement is a little off. I dont plan on there ever being a next time where a spider will get within 5 feet of me. That being said, I better not ever go in anaphylactic shock because of them either. So they gave me a shot of Solu-medrol and some zyrtec and sent me on my way. And now I have been experiencing every single side-effect of the Solu-medrol. Headaches, dizziness, fatigue, trouble sleeping, aches, bruising, shortness of breath, increased heart rate, you name it I got it.

That is my exciting story of how I found out I was allergic to the thing I hate the most. Thank you for your time. I hope you found this as ironic as I have.

Too Little...Too Late

2009-09-14T10:50:00.000-04:00

Since the beginning of this school year, I have been up to my elbows in work. Even when I have completed an assignment another one pops up. My biggest class to worry about right now is Pchem (Physical Chemistry). It may sound like just another class to anyone who is not in chemistry, but this is the class that all chem majors dread. Most people say Ochem is hard, but it's only hard until you get to Pchem and then oh what you wouldn't give to be back in organic. One problem for Pchem takes up two pages of paper to solve, but then once it's solved you have to write an essay explaining the meaning behind your answer.

Anyway, that being done...my semester is flying by. I have already been through Convocation and it will soon be next semester when I have to walk for graduation.

AAANNNDDD WE'RE BACK...

2009-08-23T15:51:00.000-04:00

Longwood has welcomed me with open arms yet again. I moved into my new APARTMENT on wednesday and I must say "I'm lovin' it" (I'm right next to McDs). My apartment building has a starbucks in the bottom..along with the bookstore (Barnes and Nobles). The building across from mine has a Moe's Mexican restaurant and the one right next door has a Chic-Fil-A. Can I say "here comes FATTY!".

Okay, so the story is I'm back. The problem is class starts tomorrow and it's my final year. Sounds like a wonderful adventure where the girl looks deep into life's serious questions and finds herself at the end of the perilous journey, not to mention a dreamy hunk of a guy comes into play.

Wouldn't that be nice!?! well, we shall see is all I can say. BUT, I am very nervous about classes starting tomorrow. The nice thing is I know someone in every class....the bad thing is...I know someone in every class. Usually it's a great thing, however, there was drama last year with a few of them and I wish I didn't have to see them everyday!

But that's over and out as I like to say. See ya on the flip side as they said in the '80s. And remember: Always Look On The Brightside of Life.

:)

Endless Packing

2009-08-17T15:10:00.000-04:00

It is never ending. It is messy. It is exhausting. It is hard. It is packing. I hate having to go through all of my things and picking which things to take with me. I hate trying to fit it all into the least amount of boxes. I really cant wait until I officially move out and only have one place to keep all of my stuff. This way I wont have to keep unpacking every summer just to pick back up and leave in the fall. But as of now I am still living at home. I am getting all of my junk together yet again. I am leaving on Wednesday to unpack it into a new living situation. And then I will pack it all back up in May and bring it all back home to unpack. This terrible cycle will continue next fall. BUT hopefully it will end next year. Hopefully I will be moving for good. Be in an apartment for two years. Then I will reluctantly move again. My life will be on the move forever. I should just buy an RV and drive around. That way when I have to move, my stuff wont have to. Haha. Oh well, live goes on!

Over and Out

2009-08-05T21:27:00.000-04:00

Today I took the GRE (graduate record examination). I received an 1100, not including the writing section. I'm not too sure how good of a score that is, but all of my graduate school options require at least a 1000, so I feel alright about it.

I must admit that until the test ended I was so completely nervous and stressed that it felt like the day lasted a year. The test is much like the undergraduate SAT, except that the analogies are so completely ridiculous that I had to look up every one in the practice book. I was so spastic that I arrived an hour before the test. I had to fill out a form that said I wouldn't discuss the test and I had to answer questions, get my picture taken, and empty my pockets. I felt as though I was about to enter prison!

Oh well...that part of my life is over...once I get into a school I will never have to take a test like that again. Let's just hope that I get into a school. There are 8-9 slots available in each program. That means that I am completing with hundreds to get the best slot in the best school. The pressure is on!!

However, I am not even going to think about deadlines and applications until I go back to school. My first one is due in October. But no...I don't care. I get to go to the beach next week and relax...for the first time this summer!

Wish me luck, pray for me...either way I'm going to need it :)

SCHOOLS!

2009-07-01T10:21:00.000-04:00

So I have been to three schools. I liked all of them but unfortunately so far only two are actually what I am looking for!

I still have three more to look at and then I actually have to decide and apply. The stress is unbearable. I have to take the GREs and then get all the applications in order and all of my transcripts and recommendation letters.

On top of all that I received an email that said I cant graduate due to a chemistry class I havent taken. Instrumental Analysis. BUT I took and got a B in that class last semester. So, I have some things I have to get worked out before I can even begin to apply to schools.

PROBLEMS with getting older and more responsible.

Where did it all go?

2009-06-27T12:15:00.000-04:00

So in May, I kept complaining that it was lasting too long. I made the comment that it felt as though all 3 months of summer were fit into one month. It seemed to last forever. Giving me the impression that summer would last too long.

However, June came along eventually. As it progressed I began to realize that it wasn't long enough. Ironic. I got the feeling that my summer was dwindling. Now the end of June is near and it seems as though it started yesterday.

July is only too close and I'm not sure I want it to vanish quickly. I fear it might. For in August I will have but a short time until I embark on my last adventure at Longwood.

And too soon will the world be open to me and I must go into it.

Oh how I wish I hadn't underestimated the length of May.

SUN-SCREAM!

2009-05-31T12:41:00.000-04:00

The sun hates me...really!! I went and spent 3 hours at the pool. I got home to find that I was not just a shade darker but I was 3 shades past purple and I could actually heat things up (a bug was killed when landing on me...due to extreme temperatures). My skin got brighter as the night progressed. By the time I went to bed I was a beautiful rouge. The pain level was extreme as well...I couldnt move my body without friction being torture. I took some pain-killers and managed to get adequate sleep. I woke this morning and the beautiful rouge had decreases to a rosy pink. The pain is still there and the color is undeniable but at least I am no longer white. I have yet to go outside today due entirely to the fact that I will be competing with the sun on who is emitting more heat. Im serious. I could probably roast a burger on my thigh. I have yet to try but I actually might. My cat wont sit on my lap or come too close..I dont blame her. Im HOT and not necessarily in a good way.

I feel as though the outdoors will be offlimits. At least for awhile anyway.

Ireland

2009-05-19T09:24:00.000-04:00

I am back and recovered from my amazing trip to Ireland. We were on the run all day every day. We covered every part of the tiny country; North, South, East, and West!

I had the best time and wish I could still be there. No worries and no plans!

I have come to the ultimate conclusion that I could live over there because I mastered the biggest obstacle.....I CAN drive the car. The gear shift being on the left is actually much easier for me because well...I'm left-handed!! So it is official...I can live there!

A bit Early..

2009-05-06T09:19:00.000-04:00

Well I am back a bit early. The main cause was rain..lots of it. But an underlying cause was my family's sense of spontaneity! For my birthday my dad bought me tickets to see Dane Cook, my all time favorite comedian. Well, then there is the case of Mother's Day. I thought it would be nice to do something different this year. Not have the same old card and breakfast. However, I didn't realize how different we would go. We will be leaving Sunday from Philadelphia and flying to Ireland. It will be an adventure at best. This trip is in celebration of not only Mother's Day but also my parent's upcoming 25th anniversary!

Talk about crazy. I thought my summer was going to be filled with nothing but time on my hands. I had no idea that the moment I got home I would be on the move...constantly...fortunately, I had a few days to myself to read and write and paint. Yes, I painted. I was actually very crafty during my time away. I even started and finished a long overdue scrapbook of my Senior Year!

Off the Grid

2009-04-30T09:50:00.001-04:00

I am officially done with my second year of school. My summer vacation has begun!

Starting tonight, I am going off the grid. I will leave my phone, computer, and every means of contact behind. I will set up a tent in some location and I will be living in it for a week or two. I haven't decided where or for how long. I plan on secluding myself from society simply because I am overloaded. I wasn't home for an hour before I was told I had to e-mail this person and call that person. I am done with the real world for the moment and I want nothing to do with it. I am tired of constantly checking my e-mail to see if something new arrived or checking my phone to make sure I didn't miss anything. That is no way to live. I need to feel connected to the world and there is no better way than to live in it. I want to get away from it all.

I have been contemplating the world lately. I feel we have all lost touch with ourselves and our friends. We are more focused as a society on materialistic needs and wants and less focused on what really matters. Everyone is caught up in themselves and they forget about others. I believe we need a change. I think we all need to get back to our beliefs. Everyone has become impersonal. The age of technology has kept us all connected but has also taken away our personal attachments. We no longer feel the need to see people or to be friendly. Why go out when you can just call and have it delivered. Customer service is even computerized. I know this is all a little strange and unexpected, but for my own well-being it needs to be done. I am going to a place where time stands still and where old-fashioned letters where the only communication. Back to a time where crime and drama were limited. A time before I was born, when you had to walk next door to see your neighbor and borrow sugar. "The good 'ol days" that your grandparents always talk about. That is where you will find me.

If for some reason you need to contact me, you can send e-mails or texts. Unfortunately I will not receive them until I am back. My home phone will still work, but I may not get the messages. So, I guess all I am saying is...there is no way to get to me unless you show up in person.

The End is Near!

2009-04-23T17:30:00.000-04:00

Tomorrow is my last day of class for the year! I then will only have 4 exams until I am home for the summer...

The hours are going by so slow, but the days just fly. I have started to realize that the end of my second year is coming to a close. I am officially done with half of my college life. This scares me. I am going to spend the summer finding a job and researching graduate schools. I will take the GREs and apply to a program in the fall. All of this is on my mind as I am rounding the home stretch!

I am finding it hard to focus on my exams with the knowledge that this summer is the last summer before I will be in the real world. It seems so far away, but it's not. I am going to have to face the fact that come this time next year I will move away and start my own life.

Yes, I will have two more years of school, but I will be out of Virginia and mainly on my own. No summer vacations, no holidays, just work.

The truth is that as scared as I am...I am also so excited! I can't explain my emotions to anybody, but I can't wait for the WORLD!

The semester needs to end...NOW

2009-04-08T10:08:00.001-04:00

This semester has ultimately been flawless...until now. I find myself not knowing what time or even what day it is. This is probably not good. I wake up in the mornings and have to actually look at a calendar to see where I am suppose to go. I believe this is a true sign of exhaustion.

This morning for example, I woke up at 7:45 due to my alarm. I turned it off and sat there wondering why I was waking up so early on a Thursday (usually 9 on tues/thurs). I really was puzzled and even set my alarm for 9. Just as I was about to lay back down I realized it was really Wednesday! How horrible is that?

I think I need a break. A long break. Unfortunately, these last few weeks of school are going to be the toughest and the ones where I really need to know what's going on.

Wish me all the luck you can! I am seriously going to need it!

Spring Time

2009-03-31T19:58:00.000-04:00

Well it is finally Spring. The weather is here...and everyone is beautiful! I have also discovered that due to medication, I have become extremely sun sensitive. I should not be allowed to be in it. Of course I found this out in a rather uncomfortable manor.

Anyway, my cousin Kristen is getting married this Saturday. I am extremely happy for her, and since I am the maid-of-honor, my only wish is that I don't fall down the aisle. That would be tragic and may ruin the mood of the day!

First Dates

2009-03-21T23:17:00.000-04:00

I hate first dates. Always have. I just don't like going through the motions of trying to impress someone. I hate how they always start the same way; slow-moving, what is your favorite anything, awkward moments. Always. You always have to introduce yourself in a way that keeps them interested. My opinion is if they are ever going to be interested in you, they won't care what you have to say. I wish on a first date you could be yourself. Even if you try, you always catch yourself saying or doing something just to impress, even if later you feel stupid for it.

Second dates are always easier. Always. It means you made it past the approval stage and into the possibility zone. You won the first date over and now you can get past the awkward moments.

BUT, what if you went on a first date that felt like your second, or even your third, or 100!? What happens then? These dates are the ones we all wish for. The ones that make us agree to dates in the first place. We all hope for the date where we are comfortable and not nervous, where we can say what we are really thinking and not worry it was the wrong thing. These are the ones that leave you smiling hours after they are over. The perfect date. No matter where it may be.

I have just experienced the latter. I don't even know where to begin on how absolutely wonderful it was. So I will just say that I am no longer someone who will dread a first date.

Weight Loss

2009-03-09T01:07:00.000-04:00

I have been experiencing some serious body changes since I began college. I graduated high school wearing a size 9 jean and weighing around 150 lbs. I was comfortable, I'm 5'7" and never thought of myself as fat or thin or anything really. I liked the way I was and nobody could say anything to change that. However, I started my freshman year of college with the fear of gaining the freshman 15! Everyone has that fear but I was okay with what would happen and just joked about it. My first year came with many new changes. The biggest shock wasn't leaving my parents and living on my own, but the classes and the course work. I took o.chem. the very first semester and struggled terribly. I learned quickly how to study and how to use the library's resources. The stress that I experienced that first semester took a toll on my body. I lost weight instead of gained. I found myself eating the same amount of food but due to the walking and the fast paced atmosphere not gaining a thing. I wasn't upset about this, I enjoyed not getting 15 lbs heavier, but I started to notice a slight change in the way my pants fit me. They were baggier, but I thought nothing of it because I couldn't see a physical change. My close friends couldn't either, and thought it was just the dryer stretching them out. I wasn't worried. The first time someone showed an interest in my weight was when I went home for Thanksgiving break. I saw family that I hadn't seen since the summer and their first remarks were on how thin I looked. I started to notice from this point on. I came back home for Christmas break, this time I went the doctor and found out my weight. I weighed 137 lbs. I had lost 13 lbs since the summer. That doesn't seem unusual when you look at the time frame. It averages out to about 3 lbs a month, less than 1 lb a week. But, for me it wasn't normal. I wasn't trying to lose weight and it scared me. I liked my weight and I hated to lose my comfort zone. I dropped two pants sizes too, I went down to a 6. I got compliments on how great I looked from everyone, but I was always wary of it. I started to notice every change my body took. Every inch of skin was known and watched. I noticed that even though through the next semester I stayed the same weight, I was losing inches. My second semester in school, I dropped from a 6 to a 4, while I remained 137. During the summer I still carried the same weight around and I was just getting comfortable again when I noticed my pants were getting loose. I thought nothing of it, however, because it wasn't too noticeable. I started my second year of college. I was in school for two weeks before I realized I was losing more weight. I couldn't figure it out. I went home for Christmas break and scheduled a doctor's appointment. When they weighed me, I found that I had lost 6 lbs and now weighed 131. I asked about the weight loss but was told that sometimes it happens, and that since it wasn't an unhealthy loss I was fine. I went back to school for the next semester, I had gotten new jeans that actually fit so that I wouldn't have to hold them as I walked. By February those jeans no longer fit, and I was unable to control them. I walked around campus looking like one of those boys that wore pants below the waist. It was horrible. I was asked to help out with an athletic training project, I had to weigh myself and then do an exercise. I weighed 128 lbs. I somehow lost 3 lbs in a little under 2 months. It wasn't good. I complained about my weight loss, but nobody seemed to care. Everyone thought I was just looking for the compliments and they didn't realize I was scared. I didn't like being told how thin I was or how skinny I looked. I went home for Spring break and told my mom how I felt about it. I told her I felt gross, I looked like one of those starving children ads. She told me to stop thinking about it and to not obsess over weight. My grandmother took me shopping for clothes and I knew I was a size smaller, so I grabbed a size 2 and went to the dressing room. They were too big. I am now a size 0 and have no idea how I got here. My mom watches me eat, thinking it's because I don't. She constantly comments on how I look. I am no longer that confident girl who doesn't care about her weight. I am a girl who counts calories and then when realizing I haven't eaten enough, I go eat more. I hate this. I really wish I knew how I lost it and how to get some of it back. The good news is that I can't get any smaller, a size 0 is the smallest size made. In less than two years I have lost a total of 22 lbs and 4 pants sizes. I not only didn't gain the freshman 15 but lost weight I didn't have.

Spring Break

2009-03-05T03:25:00.000-05:00

I really got busy there for awhile. February was a very interesting month for me. I spent Valentine's Day at home with two of the greatest friends...we went to tech and just enjoyed the days! school got hectic and has yet to ease up.

My great escape is that starting tomorrow at 3:40pm is SPRING BREAK!!! I am so excited and cannot wait. The week after spring break is my birthday and it just can't get any better.

Right now I am getting sick and stressing over two tests and a paper intro tomorrow. I failed the first physics test miserably and now I am worried the second will be just as bad!

This isn't much of an update but at least its better than nothing.

Stress

2009-02-07T09:00:00.000-05:00

My semester has begun. I have yet to have a real test but I am feeling every bit of stressed out. My classes arent too bad but the work that goes along with them is killer. I am constantly working on some form of homework and I am always doing something school related. I have no developed a sleeping problem and for awhile an eating problem. The latter something I worked on to fix...because we all know I dont need an eating problem. I go to bed early some nights but end up waking about 5 times a night. The nights where I go to bed really late are the nights when I get up really early. I drink extra coffee to keep me awake during the day but then I stay up longer at night. It's a viscous cycle. But I will recover eventually.

I just hope that the stress goes away soon. I dont see that happening though due to three killer tests coming up. But you never know.

OBAMA!

2009-01-21T13:26:00.000-05:00

Yesterday, 1/20/09, at 12 noon the nation welcomed a new president. Every four years we are used to getting something different, something new, but this year we welcomed change and progress and history. This was the year that the first African-American was elected president. We welcomed him the day following Martin Luther King Jr.'s remembrance. Obama promises change, advancement, and security. He also values unity and is striving to bring all different people together. Whether or not he will succeed will depend on every person in the U.S. He cannot do it alone and we must all come together to better our nation. He is faced with much opposition and hate. Those that do not want him as their president will do what it takes to make sure he doesnt succeed, but they will not be hurting just one person, they will be hurting themselves. The people of this country do not have to like their president, many did not care for Bush, but they do have to support the man in office. I hope the Obama can carry out all of his promises, for he could better the world, but I hope that we do not let his skin get in the way of our judgement. And if he fails, it is not because he is black, it will be because he was not trusted.

I support our new Commander in Chief, and I will do my part to help.

Ravens!

2009-01-18T23:50:00.000-05:00

okay so I'm going to start off this blog by stating.....

I am a Ravens fan. I am watching the Ravens lose to the Steelers at the moment. And I am going crazy watching this game.

But....

I have an extreme amount of faith in my team and I know they will try their best to turn it around!

I seriously underestimated their talent.....but I am still a supporter! :)